Mercy
by suchasaddeparting
Summary: This was my punishment for living. Edward had left me, Jake had betrayed me in the worst possible way..Rated M just incase--I do not own Twilight. R&R Please!
1. Chapter 1

**ONE**

Two things I knew without a doubt.

I was in love with Edward Cullen, and he was leaving for Chicago tomorrow. Edward, fellow student,

vampire, and best friend of five long years, had a "scholarship" to some fancy school of medicine. The rest of

the Cullen's were staying here, in Forks, with me until I graduated high school. Then, we were all planning

on moving to Chicago.

Another thing I knew was that Edward had no idea, at all, how I felt about him. Alice, his sister, and my

other best friend, knew-of course. She knew everything. She promised not to tell him, or to let him pick it up

from her mind. But, she insisted, he felt the same way for me. Right. It didn't matter. I was completely

content being his best friend. I'd lived with the Cullen's for three years-since my folks died. Ever since that

first day, Alice, Edward and I have never been far from each other. It was really nice seeing him all the time,

and I wouldn't want to ruin that by my silly feelings coming out into the open. Occasionally, we'd sneak

away to our meadow, while Alice was with Jasper. She always knew, but pretended not to have a clue.

Today was just such a day. We'd left the house around seven this morning, and didn't really plan on going

back. Well, not until Edward found me anyway. We played hide and seek at least twice a week. By my rules,

not his. He couldn't use sound, smell, or sight. Sight was his idea. He claimed it would still be too easy to

find me if he could see, and he reassured me that he would not get hurt. He was the vampire I suppose.

One reason I loved coming here, was because no one could touch us. It was our own little world. Well, no

one but Jake. He was my.. once upon a time best friend, oh, and werewolf. We had drifted once I chose the

Cullen's over him. But, once he realized how in love I was, he sort of came around. Sort of.

I heard a twig snap, and turned around instantly. Speak of the devil, and he shall rise. I smiled, and

motioned for him to be quiet. Didn't want Edward to find me after all.

"Bella! Sorry to bug you when you're with..him, but I was curious. Did you wanna hang out tomorrow night?

Ya know..after the bloo-Edward leaves?" He asked with a slight grin.

He knew I hated that name. Bloodsucker. He wouldn't like it if I referred to him as a dog, or mutt! Creep! I

just glared at him. Maybe he'd go away. Pft. Right.

"Come on, Bella! Don't be mad. I didn't finish it! That should count for something right?" He pleaded weakly.

Jerk.

"No, Jake. I don't want to do anything tomorrow except mope. Besides, Alice is keeping me company. Maybe

this weekend, okay?" I replied tersely. It wasn't a lie. It just wasn't the whole truth. I wanted to stay home,

and be bummed. Alice agreed with me. She said it was good to allow yourself one full day to mourn the loss

of well, anything, and then get on with your life. Maybe if I did that, I wouldn't be so sad the rest of the

year. Maybe.

"Great!" He exclaimed, loudly. "See ya later!" And then he took off, laughing the entire way. Jerk. He

wanted me to be found. He hated Edward and I being alone together. Jealous maybe? I sighed heavily, and

made my way to the middle of the clearing. This was a new spot for me. Usually, I ran into the middle of the

forest, and hid behind a tree. Or, I'd get brave and climb up it. He always found me that way though, so I

figured since he was blindfolded, might as well take advantage of it. Right?

"Forget it Isabella! I heard you and Jacob talking! You're as good as found!" He yelled out to me. I stifled a

laugh, and sat cross-legged on the forest floor. Fifteen minutes later I was about to forfeit, in fear he had

gone to Canada looking for me. He had done that once, when I went back the house to hide. I didn't find it

very funny. I opened my mouth to call out to him when I felt his arms sneak around my waist.

"There you are." He whispered, a smile in his voice. I couldn't help but smile back. He always made me

smile. "Took ya long enough." I stated cockily.

"I had to make you think you'd had me stumped. Alice told me where you'd be today. She said she didn't

feel like rebooking my plane ticket for tomorrow." He replied, pulling me to my feet. My mouth dropped open,

and my face flushed.

"Betrayed by my own best friend!" I exclaimed, in mock sadness. His chuckling made me smile therefore

ruining the effect. "At least I know I would have had you fooled otherwise. What's the rush anyway?" I

asked, walking slowly next to him. He hesitated before answering, that meant I wouldn't like the response.

Great. What did they have planned this time?


	2. Chapter 2

**TWO**

"Well, Esme wants all of us to go out to dinner. You know, as a fare well to me." He responded, hastening his steps. I couldn't help it, I stopped in my tracks.

"That is ridiculous! Edward! I'm the only one who eats! I'll get myself something to eat if Esme doesn't want to cook. I never asked her to anyway!" I exclaimed. He just laughed, and continued pulling me along.

"Look, Esme likes to pretend every once in a while alright? And, you being human, well you give her that opportunity. So, stop being overly dramatic, and relax. It's not all for you, okay?" He stated simply.

I was about to let him win the argument, when I remembered something vital. "Edward, you aren't all going to eat tonight are you?" I asked. When he didn't answer, I stopped again. "No! Edward! That is ridiculous. You'll be miserable for your flight tomorrow." I protested.

"Bella, if you are the only one who eats it'll draw attention to us. Unwanted attention at that. So, again I say this isn't for you. Let Esme have her fun alright?" He pleaded, dragging me into a hug. And just like that, I had lost-again. I glared at him post hug, and stomped like a child back to the house. The things this family did for me, and especially with me were ludicrous.

"Finally!" Alice screeched when I walked into the house. "You could have thrown your tantrum  on the way instead of stopping every five feet Bella." She exclaimed, dragging me upstairs for another round of Bella Barbie. I hated this part of getting ready. She and Rosalie acted as if I were incapable of dressing myself appropriately. Bossy little vampires.

Three long, excruciating, hours of being poked, prodded, and pulled on later, I was ready to go. Okay.. so it wasn't exactly excruciating, but you get the point. Alice had pulled my hair into a sleek, tight low bun, and dressed me in a black strapless dress that hung just below the knee. It was very classy, very unlike me as well. We had argued for about fifteen minutes on the shoes I was to wear. She wanted me in heels, I, naturally refused to wear them. I'm clumsy enough without adding heels into the mix thank you. I won that battle, by threatening not to go at all. Of course, they were vampires. They could have made me go, but she got the point. And so, it was my trusty black flat shoes that I loved so much.

"Let's go!" Emmett yelled up the stairs to us. Like he wouldn't have been heard regardless, by _someone_ in this house. Seriously. "We have reservations people! Bus is leaving in five minutes. A.I.S!" He bellowed on his way out the door. I snorted at that comment. A.I.S was an abbreviation for "ass in seat". Example: if you're ass was not in the seat by the afore mentioned time, you were left behind. Emmett always threatened it, but never followed through. We tested that theory once, left him waiting for a good fifteen extra minutes. He stayed put. Rosalie is not the most forgiving person to say the least. So, as usual, no one rushed out the door, but this time we actually didn't make him wait any longer than necessary.

As usual, Alice, Edward and I took the Volvo, and everyone else rode in Emmett's jeep. Even Carlisle and Esme. They didn't see the point in driving a third car to our destination. I didn't see the point in going at all, but what did I know? I was, after all, just a silly little human.


	3. Chapter 3

**THREE**

Dinner was excellent, naturally. We'd actually finished eating over an hour and a half ago, but no one seemed ready to leave. So, instead we were retelling embarrassing stories of each other. Or rather, they were retelling embarrassing stories of me. I just listened, and laughed along with them as my face turned five different shades of red. I should be used to this by now, but no. Not me.

"Oh!" Emmett bellowed. "Remember last summer when we got Bella drunk for the first time!" He exclaimed, already laughing hysterically. I sighed heavily, and hung my head. I _detested_ this story. It was most definitely one of the most embarrassing stories of my life. Of. My. Life.

"Yes!" Rose chimed in. "When she sang 'Like a Virgin' and danced, very naughtily I might add, around Edward."

"Or what about when she told him she wanted him to tou-"

"Emmett!" Alice growled, cutting him off. I knew I loved her for a reason. I was crying, and desperately hoping no one else noticed. Silly me. Everyone noticed. That was not only embarrassing, but painful. I don't remember that part of the night. I do remember Edward coming to my room later that night. And, I also recall us going a little too far. No, we did not have sex. I wanted to, but he, of course did not. Edward couldn't 'bear the thought of taking his best friends virginity'. I guess it was okay to fool around with your best friend though. I threw my napkin on the table, and hurried off to the bathroom. I knew Alice was following, and that was fine by me. I needed her.

"Alice, I'm fine." I lied. "I'm just..starting to realize he's really leaving." I insisted, wiping my eyes. I heard her snort, and could just imagine the smile playing on her lips.

"Silly Bella. Like I didn't know this would happen, or why." She stated, pointing to her head. I gave a slight smirk, but sighed just the same.

"Alice.. why now?! He has an eternity to do this stupid thing! Why can't it wait until I'm _dead_?!" I whined as more tears began to fall. "Seriously! He's waited this long to do it, what's another.. I don't know 20 years or so?!"

"Oh, Bella. I wish I could tell you, but I can't. It's his secret to tell, not mine. If he wants you to know, you'll know. As of right now, I can tell you he hasn't made up his mind. This, by the way, is very frustrating for me." She stated with a chuckle.

I gave a little laugh, and wiped my eyes. Alice fixed my make up, and we set off arm in arm back to the table. A little bit later, we were walking to our cars when Alice winked at me, and followed the rest of the family to Emmett's jeep. Okay.. I guess he's going to tell me. The question was, was I ready to know? I certainly hoped so.

EPOV-

Watching Bella rush off to the bathroom in tears was hard, knowing why she was crying made it harder. This did not make my decision much easier, but I knew I couldn't keep it any longer. I wanted her to know before I left for Chicago. I don't know why exactly, I mean, it wouldn't change anything. She'd still be here, finishing her high school career, moving on without me, and I'd still be in Chicago, missing her terribly. My biggest issue was how to tell her I loved her? And had loved her since I first laid eyes on her.

Alice was, of course, no help. She said Bella would either understand, or blow up and be angry. Like that made me want to tell her. But, as I said, I wanted her to know. And since I wouldn't have another chance before I left, I had to do it now. On the way home with her. Thankfully, Alice knew this as soon as I did, therefore saving me the trouble of telling her out loud. Thank goodness for smaller blessings I suppose. As we drove away from the restaurant, I took a deep breath of the air I didn't need, and said a small prayer that all would go well. This was better for her. I just had to keep reminding myself of that.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: this is my very late disclaimer-I don't own Twilight..unfortunately. =[ But anyhoo-sorry I haven't said anything until now, but I forgot I could do this. =] Reviews make me happy. Thanks!!**

**FOUR**

"Bella, I need to tell you something." He stated quietly. Obviously, or else why would we be alone right now? I did not say that however, instead I said, "Okay. I'm all yours." I heard him sigh, and couldn't help but wonder what could be so bad, he was having problems getting out.

"I love you!" I blurted it out before I even realized it. Shit! I hadn't intended to do that.. at all! I stared out the window, my face at least ten shades of red, waiting for the inevitable. I glanced over at him as I felt the car slow, and then stop all together. Was he.. he was! He was smiling! This was funny to him? I started to get angry, until I saw the pain in his eyes. Then, I was just concerned. What was going on?

"Bella. I love you, too." He whispered. I just stared at him. I was speechless. I wasn't even sure I had heard him correctly. He.. loved me? Impossible. He was a ..God, and I .. was so not. He was perfect.. and I was the furthest thing from perfect ever created. No. Definitely not possible.

"I have loved you since the day we met. I just.. I never thought we'd end up friends. I figured once you got bored with us, you'd leave us alone. And then, when you guessed our secret, I thought for sure you'd leave. So I just.. kept quiet about it. And then, as time went on.. it was just.. easier to not say anything. We had grown so close, I didn't want to ruin that by saying I loved you." He said it so quickly, I wasn't sure I'd gotten it all. I was about respond when he continued.

"But, see Bella. This.. us.. it wouldn't work out. I'm a monster.. and you.. well, you are an angel. If we were to be together.. I'd only hurt you. I'm too strong for you, I could never.. make love to you for fear I'd break you. Literally! I can't give you any of the things a human a can. You deserve a normal life, with a normal man, and children, lots of children! I'm not good for you Bella." He whispered.

I was trying so hard not to cry at this moment. It seemed vital not to let him see how badly he'd wounded me. How deep this cut had truly gone. "So, you.. don't.. want me?" I coughed out. That was hard to say, yet I knew the answer before I even asked it. How could he? I was plain, ordinary next to him.

"No, Bella. I don't want you." He responded coldly. Well, that changes things. "Look, Bella, you'll find someone-"

"Take me home, Edward. Now, please." I whispered, cutting him off. I couldn't bear to hear another word about how he loved me but didn't want me. My heart could not stand another piece to be shattered. Stupid girl. How foolish of me to believe for one damn second, that he could ever feel for me what I felt for him? I knew, deep inside that it wasn't possible. A man like Edward could never be with a girl like me. A simple, boring, plain little human. There were obviously much more appealing women that were vampires. He deserved much more than me anyway. My dream.. was just that. A dream.

The ride home was the longest drive of my life. It was quiet, but nothing like it used to be. The quietness before, was comfortable, adoring even. This.. was cold, tense, heart wrenching. To be sitting next to the one you loved, knowing he would never be yours, even after he claimed to love you as well, was the worst pain I'd felt since my parents died. Once home, I went straight to bed, ignoring Alice's pleas for me to stop. I lay there, crying, replaying his words over and over in my head. One night. Just one night to cry, and mourn what could have been. Tomorrow, I would wake up, and forget this ever happened. I would say goodbye to him, finish my high school career, and apply to a local college while the Cullen's left for Chicago. I would _not_ let this break me completely. If you'll buy that, I have a yacht for sale, too.

He was wrong. I would never love a man the way I loved him. I would never even try to love another. He was all I wanted, all I craved, forever, and I couldn't have him. I had found my soul mate, why settle for second best? I would never marry, which was fine by me anyways. That's what killed my parents. Once they got married, they fought constantly. They were arguing the night they died. It was pouring, naturally, and they were fighting. My dad turned his head to yell at my mother, and then the car was upside down, airborne. Doctors said it was a miracle I'd survived a crash like that. Especially since I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I used to believe it was because God wanted Edward and me to be together, but now I know the truth. He wanted me to suffer a life without love. A life without Edward.

He came in this morning to tell me goodbye. I waved, and told him to have a nice flight. Said I'd talk to him later. If I'd allowed myself to say anymore, I would have begged him to stay. Begged him not to leave me, to please love me. Want me. I couldn't do that to myself. I was embarrassed enough as it was. Not to mention the pain I was in. He was leaving, and there was nothing I could do about it. He didn't love me, and I couldn't change that either. Why bother?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: hi!! okay so here's the first 5 chapters!! yay! finally huh? so, i have a few more chapters ready to go, but i'm not posting until i get reviews. =] i know its mean, i'm sorry but i want to know people are reading this story before i waste my time posting it ya know? k bye**

**FIVE**

Two months. That's how long he's been gone. I prefer not to say his name, and everyone else around me is surprisingly okay with that. They don't even mind when I come home every night past two am, half drunk, stumbling all over the place. Jake and I have become good buddies for that. He lets me drink away the sorrows, and cry on his shoulder. The crying part doesn't happen so often anymore. I've discovered alcohol is a great remedy for pain. It numbs you. I feel nothing when I'm drinking. Excellent.

It was inevitable that I'd be a drunk anyways right? I mean, my dad was.. so why not me too? It doesn't bother Jacob. He told me he'd rather see me drunk and half way functioning than a the shell I was the first two weeks after _he_ left. In his words, he said drunken Bella is better than no Bella at all. Amen to that! Today, however, I'm stuck at home. Alone, and completely sober. Jake had to work, so I'm holding myself captive in my room. My head hurt, my heart hurt worse, and I was fading away quickly. I wanted out of this mess. I just didn't know how to get myself out. Alice swore up and down that it would happen, and soon. But, I didn't believe much of anything Alice said anymore.

She'd told me too many times that he was coming back, and he never did. At least not here. He stayed in motels in Port Angeles. Never here anymore. Whatever. I didn't need him anyway. I had Jake, and beer. Well, usually. Today was just an off day. That's all. I could feel that little black void threatening to overpower me again, like it had so many days before. I wasn't strong enough to stop it, and too weak even to try. I reached for my phone, and dialed Jake's number. And because my life sucks, he did not answer. So, I lay there, curled up in a fetal position, and let the darkness overcome me. It was better this way.

"Bella." I reveled in the sound of that sweet, silken voice. How long had it been since I'd heard it? Too long, far too long in deed. "Edward." I mumbled in return. I knew I was dreaming, but that was okay. Anything to hear that velvety voice again.

"Bella, you need to wake up." He whispered quietly. I whimpered, and snuggled deeper into the covers. No way was I going to wake up now! I was finally having a _good_ dream about him, instead of the usual ones where he's gone. "Just a little longer okay? If I wake up right now, you'll be gone." I whispered back. He chuckled, which in turn caused me to smile as well. I never could resist his laugh, no matter how small. "Bella, Edward isn't here. He hasn't been for awhile. It's Jacob. Come on, Bella wake up."

My eyes opened instantly. Of course he isn't here, why would he be? "What do you want Jacob?" I asked, more harshly than I intended. Can you blame me? I was dreaming of Edward, and wake up to.. my friend. I think I deserve to be a little cranky.

"Let's go out tomorrow night okay?" Jake stated, sitting next to me on the bed.

I cocked my eyebrow, and replied, "You came all the way over here to ask me that?"

"Yeah, kinda." He laughed with a shrug.

"Why do you wanna do anything? You've been perfectly content lately." I asked suspiciously.

"Because it's been two months, and I'm tired of watching you self destruct." He explained quickly. "Come on, we'll go out, _sober_, and you if you don't like or aren't having fun, we'll come back and get smashed." He finished with a smirk.

I smiled back at him, and thought about it for a minute. He has been very patient with me lately, and he's been a great friend. I could do one night completely sober for him right? I mean, I was sober all day today, and it wasn't.. that bad. I agreed to go with him, kissed his cheek, and went back to bed. Not long after he left, Alice came waltzing into my room and plopped down on my bed.

"Something is going to happen tomorrow Bella. Maybe you shouldn't go. It worries me that I can't see what it is. Don't go, please Bella." She whispered.

I snorted. "Alice, you've been telling me for weeks now that Edward would come back for, and he hasn't. You've also been telling me that I'm going to quit drinking and being a mess, and I haven't. So forgive me for not believing you now. Not to mention, Jake has been there for me lately, which is more than I can say for you." I snapped.

The moment it was out, I wished I could take it back. She didn't deserve this. "I'm sorry Alice. I didn't mean it." I whispered, smacking a hand over my mouth.

"No, you're right. I haven't been around for you. I guess I figured I lost one sibling, what was one more? Can you blame me? Who wants to hang around a drunken bitch all the time? Except for Jake, of course, but that's probably only because you're a whore now, too right?"

She was gone before I could blink. Stupid vampire. I cried myself to sleep that night, but for a much different reason than usual. This time, because the truth hurts more than anything. I felt like a whore, a dirty rotten whore. Jake and I had never had sex, but we'd done.. other things. Stupid girl.

A/N:oh yeah, I dont own twilight


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I do not own twilight. sadly. *le sigh* hate this chapter, but its neccessary to continue on. so flame me whatever i dont care. =/ R&R please**

**SIX**

Jake picked me up around six o'clock, and we drove into Port Angeles. We had a small dinner, and saw thriller that will be sure to haunt my dreams for weeks to come. I used to sneak into Edward's room after scary movies. He kept the nightmares away. Ugh. Can I not go one damn day without _him_ popping into my head and spoiling my night?

We got back to Jacob's house, and went straight to his room. We talked for a while, and decided to watch yet another scary flick. Wahoo. Just before it was over, he asked if I had wanted a drink. I thought about that for a moment, and then smiled. "No, Jake, no drink." I responded proudly. The smile I got in return was worth the answer. I caused that smile, sober. It wasn't because I was drunk and falling all over the place. It was just.. from me. We talked for a while longer, and then he kissed me.

This kiss was different from all the ones before it. His other kisses were softer, waiting for my approval, letting me be in control. This kiss, was aggressive, and left no room for argument about who was in control. That scared me, and that was my second mistake of the night.

"Bella, don't be afraid. You know what that does for me." He whispered, sliding his hand down my pants. I began struggling at once. "Jacob, stop it! We don't go this far, ever, and you know it!" I yelled. I tried pushing him off, yelling as loudly as I could, but nothing was working. Showing my fear was my third mistake; going at all was the first.

I couldn't fight him off. He was a werewolf after all, and I was just a pitiful little human. Still, I didn't want this, and I'd be damned if I went down without a fight. I struggled, and screamed, scratched and kicked until I couldn't fight him anymore. It didn't matter anyway, no one was here, no one could save me. Three strikes and you're out.

When he'd taken all that he wanted from me, he left. I dressed as quickly as I could manage, and hurried out of there. I knew I looked a mess, but I was positive I felt ten times worse. Everything hurt, I was sore in places I never knew I could be. I kept glancing around, expecting Jake to jump out and hurt me again. It began to rain, a cold hard rain, but I didn't care. I kept going. I wanted Alice, I needed Edward.

I never realized how far Jacob's house was from the Cullen's. Of course, I'd never walked the distance after being raped either. The entire way home I tried to think of different lies to tell them. Lies for why my shirt was torn, my hair in disarray. For why I walked home, in the pouring rain. I sat on the porch for a long time before deciding to go inside. No one was downstairs, and upon further inspection, I realized no one was even home. I was alone.

Something inside of me broke at that realization. Of course they wouldn't be home, not after the way I've been lately. It was better this way. If they knew, they'd disown me. Worse, they'd be disgusted with me.. like they were with Jacob.

I jumped into the shower as quickly as I could. The water was too hot, but I didn't care. All the better to get rid of his scent. I washed my hair three times, and scrubbed my body until I was raw and bleeding in some spots. Then, and only then did I feel clean enough. I dressed in sweats, from head to toe. Better to cover the marks and bruises that were sure to be there by now. I grabbed some matches, and my old clothes and ran to the meadow. Hopefully the rain stayed at bay long enough for them to burn.

No one could find out about this. Ever. I stared into the flames, my mind replaying the nights events like a silent movie just for me. I couldn't quit seeing it over, and over again. I collapsed to my knees and broke down. All the tears I'd been holding back since Edward left, all the pain and sleeplessness finally found a release. I cried, and screamed, and beat the ground in front of me until my hands hurt and were covered in mud, and I couldn't scream anymore. When the last of the flames died, I forced myself to go home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**

I crawled into bed, and lay there thinking about everything that happened to me. This was my punishment. For living when my parents had died, for behaving the way I had been, for loving Edward. For everything. God left me alive to suffer my entire life. Edward claimed he loved me, but left me anyway, and Jacob had betrayed me in the worst possible way. What else would I suffer? Who else could he take from me?

"Bella!"

I groaned loudly. It had taken me a long time to finally get to sleep, and even then I kept having stupid nightmares of Jacob and Edward. They've all left me alone this long, and now suddenly they want to pay attention to me? Stupid vampires.

"Go away!" I yelled.

"It's three in the afternoon." Alice chimed through my door.

Hmm, okay so I slept longer than I actually thought. Oh well, if I stayed in bed forever, I couldn't get hurt anymore.

"Go away!" I yelled again.

APOV-

I glared at Bella through her door before stomping back to my room. I grabbed my phone, and dialed my idiotic brother's cell phone.

"Alice." Edward greeted warily. I couldn't help but smirk. He always knew when something wasn't right. When I wasn't just calling to chat. I was very glad he'd answered today as he had been ignoring me the past few days.

"Come home Edward. Something's happened with Bella. My visions aren't good." I stated quickly. Never could be sure when he would hang up anymore. One wrong word about Bella, and he was finished.

"Alice, we've talked about this. You said her drinking will stop, and you're rarely wrong." I growled in frustration. Honestly, he could be so stubborn at the most inappropriate times!

"Something _new_, something worse. I need help with this, Edward." I rebutted.

I heard him sigh. Yes! I had won. Ha. Take that stubborn jerk.

"I'll be there in a month. The semester will be over, and I can transfer out then. If I leave sooner, it may draw attention. Will that suffice?" He asked.

"Perfect! Bye Edward!" I hung up, and went to make something to eat for Bella. Now, I just had to keep her alive until Edward got back.

BPOV-

I hadn't gone back to sleep after Alice left earlier, I just wasn't getting out of bed. I heard my door creek open, but I didn't move. What did it matter?

"Bella? I brought you some soup, and a grilled cheese." Alice stated quietly.

"Not hungry." I mumbled. I felt the bed shift, and opened my eyes to find Alice sitting next to me, knees folded to her chest. Great. Guilt trips.

"What happened last night? You were screaming off and on all night." She asked quietly. I tensed, and knew she noticed it. "Nothing Alice, I'm fine."

"You are a terrible liar! I am your best friend Bella! You can tell me anything!" She pleaded. I have no excuse for what I said next, other than I needed to be mad at someone, and she was the first person to ask me anything.

"Why don't you look into the past for a change Alice! Or maybe you should have looked harder that day! Then you'd already know what happened wouldn't you? Hell, you could have stopped it from happening at all!" I snapped. She jumped up like I'd burned her, which in a way I guess I had.

"That's not fair Bella! You know I can't see clearly when you're around that _dog_!" She yelled back

"Get out! Now, Alice!" I yelled. I didn't want to say something else I would regret. My mouth had already said enough. She turned, and walked to the door. With her back to me, she said "I tried to warn you. I told you not to go. I said something bad would happen, but you were too drunk to listen." And then, she was gone. I lay there for hours, crying and feeling like shit. She was my best friend, and I couldn't even tell her! I lashed out at the one person I'm supposed to trust with my life. Stupid, stupid Bella!


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight**

I lay there for hours, days even. I got up only to pee, and shower. I'd lost my appetite, and desire for anything but sleep. Rosalie and Alice came in daily to check on me, and bring my food. I never ate. I tried apologizing to Alice several times for what I'd said, but she refused to hear it. Kept telling me I had nothing to apologize for. Pft. Right.

Carlisle came in today. He told me if I didn't start eating, he'd hook an iv up to me and force nutrients into my body. I didn't care anymore. Why eat when I had no desire for it? I had nothing. No emotions, nothing. I was numb, catatonic if you will. For all I cared, I could die tomorrow. Secretly, that's what I was hoping for.

"Bella." Rose said.

"Go away." I muttered.

"It's six o'clock at night. You've slept all day!" She argued. "I'm still tired." I muttered dryly. "You should eat. Carlisle said he's going to call an ambulance, and admit you into the hospital." She stated confidently.

Crap.

I sighed heavily, and dramatically threw the covers back. I climbed out of bed, and stomped past Rosalie and her stupid victory smirk. I stomped all the way down the stairs, through the (carpeted) dining room, to the kitchen. I began slamming drawers, and cabinets like a two year old. I didn't care. As much as I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to go to the hospital even more. Stupid, nosey vampires. Alice, Rose, and Emmett were sitting at the table snickering at me. And two seconds later, Em was growling, staring at my neck.

Shit! I forgot I was wearing a tank top today. I dropped my bowl, and covered my neck, but to no avail. He'd already seen what was left of Jake's handy work. Suddenly, I was surrounded by three angry vampires. Jasper was hanging back, a little. When Emmett reached for me, I instinctively flinched, and backed away. I hadn't meant to, it just sort of happened before I could think about it. Stupid Bella!

"Bella, what happened?" Rose asked.

"Who did it? I'll kill them!" Emmett bellowed. "I did it." I lied. "My neck was hurting, and I squeezed it a little too hard." Please, please believe me. I pleaded silently. I couldn't tell the truth. They could not know. They could not know.

"Bella, please!" Alice scoffed. I sighed heavily, but didn't meet their eyes. I would not tell them the truth. I would lie. I had to lie. Lie Bella, lie!

"Bella, that handprint is twice the size of yours! There's no way you did that to yourself! What happened?" Rose asked, growing impatient. I had to get out of this situation before I said too much. I couldn't tell them the truth. I turned to leave, and ran into something cold and hard. I looked up, and all the breath I had left me. When I started to get dizzy, I remembered to breathe again.

"Edward." I breathed. He looked angry. He looked.. outraged, ready to kill. He was staring at my neck. This was not good. Not at all. If he stayed, he'd definitely get me to tell him what happened. Worse, if Jake came around, he'd read it from his mind. No, this was bad.

"Tell us again how that happened?" He demanded coolly. I swallowed hard, and replied, "I squeezed a little too hard." It sounded pathetic even to me. I knew he didn't believe it for a second, but I would not crack. Not this time Edward.

"You really are a terrible liar."

I glared at him as best I could. "You don't even know me anymore, _Edward_." I sneered. "I'm a totally different person now."

Alice snorted. "You definitely are Bella dear. Edward, you just don't know how much of a treat Bella has been lately." She said icily.

Ouch. Okay, I deserved that. I should leave, and go far far way. Somewhere I couldn't hurt the people I loved anymore. Edward would figure it out eventually, and then he'd really hate me. I needed a plan, and fast. "Bella! Don't even think about it!" Alice gasped at the same moment Edward growled. My face went hot. Of course, I forgot about the little pixie and the mind reader. Crud.

"Alice, really I should. I mean, I've lived here so long, I don't really know what it's like to be on my own. And obviously I've overstayed my welcome! Look at me! I'm pathetic right now! You don't need me here making everyone else depressed." I explained quickly. I only had minutes to try and convince them after all. If I could just get them to see reasoning behind my madness, maybe they'd go along with it.

"You are _not_ leaving, Isabella! There are seven vampires in this house ready, and more than able to stop any fickle attempts you may have at leaving." Edward growled. Great. I was being held captive by my own best friends. Awesome.

"I'm going to bed." I stated dryly.

"You've been up for all of about an hour, and you're going back to bed?" Jasper questioned, stepping closer. Seriously? The ever quiet, stay out of everything that doesn't involve me or Alice, keep my distance from Bella, vampire known as Jasper is going to start on me now too? Excellent.

"I'm tired." I lied. This was getting easier by the minute.

"Funny, I'm getting a lot of emotions from you, but tired, isn't one of them." He stated, stepping closer. Every step closer he took, I stepped further back by two. This continued until my back was against the counter. Trapped.

"I've known you for a long time Bella, and you've never been afraid of us approaching you. Even when you didn't know we were vegetarians. You've never so much as felt a tremor of fear from any of us. What I find to be even weirder is that it doesn't bother you when Rosalie, or Alice approaches you. Just when Edward, Emmett or I are near you, or try to touch you. So, what did he do to you? I mean, it was a guy, right?" He probed.

I couldn't breathe. I was losing control. I was trapped. I knew I was crying, but I didn't care anymore. I just had to get away before he touched me. He could hurt me, and I could not let that happen again. Not again, never again. I was trembling, and I wanted to scream, but was trying to fight it. "Please don't." I whispered. "Please, please don't."

"Don't what?" Jasper asked. He was inches from my face. He just had to breathe, and he'd be touching me. I started gasping for breath, desperate for air to reach my lungs. I heard someone call my name, and then I was falling into that little black void yet again


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **So, I see some people added my story to their alerts, and that makes me very happy. =] But, I need some reviews people. Some feedback. Lemme know if you like it, or don't or whatever. Please? Pretty please?

**Nine**

EPOV-

"What the hell was that Jasper?!" I snarled, after Alice had carried Bella up to her room. I was desperately trying to stay calm. I needed to stay calm until I found out who did this to _my_ Bella, and I made sure she was alright. Then, it was all bets off.

"I was trying to get her to tell us what happened. It's called psychology." Jasper replied, a bit sarcastically I might add. "Psychology? You scared the shit out of her Jas!" Emmett bellowed beside me. Well, at least I wasn't the only one pissed off about this incident.

"Who was she with last night?" I asked, fearing the answer. My fears were only confirmed when neither of them would respond.

"Jake." Emmett whispered so low, even I had trouble hearing him. "I'll kill him." I snarled.

"Calm down! We don't know for sure it was him! She had a.." Jasper trailed off. A date. My Bella, had a date last night. My heart would have stopped beating at that moment if I were alive. She was over me. Alice was wrong. She said she'd never get over me, and I just had to test that damn theory! Stupid, idiotic vampire! I caused this. If I had just stayed where I knew I belonged, this would not have happened.

"Edward, this is not your fau-" I raced up the stairs before Jasper could finish that sentence. I did not want to hear him say it wasn't my fault when I knew it was. I stopped just outside Bella's door, waiting to see if she was awake. When I didn't hear anything, I quietly made my way inside, and over to the bed. I waved Alice away, and took her place next to Bella on the bed. I had lost her, but I would never leave her. I had to protect her, and do a much better job of it this time around.

BPOV-

I should have kept my mouth shut. I shouldn't have panicked, I shouldn't have cried. That is not how you pretend nothing happened. Stupid Bella! Damn it! They were not supposed to see my neck! I knew I should have just stayed in bed like I wanted to! Damn Rosalie and her stupid schemes!

"Bella?"

"Hmm?" I mumbled, snuggling against Edward. I don't care if he doesn't want me anymore, I was going to enjoy the time I had with him now. I missed him entirely too much. "What happened to you?" He asked, brushing his hand across my cheek. I didn't flinch! Ha! That was an improvement already. Wait, had I flinched before when I ran into him? I didn't think I had. I could never flinch at his touch, I know he would never hurt me.. that way. He asked me again, and I tensed up. I know he noticed it, but I couldn't seem to help myself. I wasn't ready for this to happen. I wasn't ready for it to be real yet.

"I told you all downstairs." I lied, sitting up, and not looking at him. I knew that he knew I was lying, but if I didn't look at him, it made it easier to pretend he had no clue.

"Okay, we'll play this game of yours. Why did your neck hurt in the first place? What caused such pain that you would have to squeeze hard enough to leave marks on your own neck?" He asked, a smile playing at his features. I narrowed my gaze at him. Stupid cocky vampire. "And why did Alice see you scrubbing yourself raw in the tub after your.. _date_?" He continued quietly. I flinched at the way he said date. Like he cared what I did. He didn't want me right? Was that supposed to mean no one else did either? I sat there for a while, contemplating on my answers.

I could keep lying to him, and upset him further, or I could just.. tell him the truth, and pray that he didn't find me disgusting. Right. He didn't like me now, why should he after I tell him I was raped? Fortunately for me, Alice came bursting through the door at the exact moment I was going to tell him. Unfortunately for me, I knew that she knew what had happened. Of course she did, she would have seen it the moment I decided to tell Edward. I silently pleaded she wouldn't clue Edward in, I wanted to be the one he heard it from. I just needed to talk to Alice first. She would know how he'd react, and I couldn't tell him until I knew, too.

"Edward. I.. I need to talk to Alice, alone." I stammered, not meeting his eyes. I heard him sigh, and was about to change my mind when he stood up. "Okay, but I _will_ talk to you later." He demanded before walking out. I let out a huge sigh of relief, and motioned Alice to the bed. Here goes nothing I suppose.

"I felt dirty. That's why you saw me scrubbing myself raw. And, as for my neck.. I guess I slept on it wrong or something. I'm not sure, I just know it hurt. Alright?" I lied, yet again. I wasn't quite ready after all. One look from Alice though, and I knew I didn't have a choice. "What did he do to you?" She asked, sitting next to me. I knew I looked panicked, it was how I felt and I've never been very good at hiding my emotions from them. I had to tell her, I wanted to.. needed to. So, I got up, and started pacing around the bed.

"He wanted to go out, but he didn't want to drink. He said if I didn't like being sober we'd go back to his place and drink all night I if I wanted. I only went because I was so mad, and hurt." I began. "Stupid vampire thought I'd just forget about him or something. Thought if he moved away I'd just stop loving him! That's ridiculous! I only ever drank to numb the pain, and I was angry because it wasn't working anymore.

"So, I just figured what the hell? Jake had been nice to me, patient, understanding. I figured I'd be hurting either way so sober seemed like a better idea anyway. We had fun, at first, but I still kept thinking about.. Edward. Anyway, we got back to his house, and watched a couple movies, and he asked if I wanted a drink. I said no, Alice. I was so proud of myself for not drinking, and I knew you would be too!" I was losing my nerve. I couldn't do this. I sat down next to Alice. Shit. I could not say it. I couldn't get it out.

"Bella, what happened." She demanded. I knew I was crying, but it didn't matter anymore. "Don't make me say it, Alice. Please, if I say it.. it'll be real, and I'm just not ready for that yet. I'm not ready for you all to.." I trailed off. I wasn't ready for them to hate me, to cast me out. I jumped up again, getting angry at myself. "If I say it out loud, you'll hate me! You'll ALL hate me, and worst of all, Edward will hate me! He'll be disgusted with me! He would never want me once he knew, Alice, never! And why would he?

"Why would he want a stupid lousy human that's been raped! By a werewolf no less! He'll disown me just like the rest of you would!" I had gone too far. I said too much. I couldn't control it. I jumped at the sound of glass breaking, and watched Alice disappear. They heard me. They _all_ heard me.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Read my sisters stuff!! Ilovemycrazyfriends-kirsten and as usual r&r k thanks!**

**TEN**

"I'll kill him!" I heard Edward yell, and ran down the stairs as fast as I could. What I saw actually made me freeze. Everyone was holding onto Edward, keeping him from the door. So that's why Alice took off so fast.

"Let me go!" He snarled. "I will **kill** him!" He growled even louder. "No!" I screamed as loud as I could. Suddenly, everyone was staring at me. I felt my face grow hot, but I couldn't stop now. I had to calm him down. "If you kill him, it'll cause attention. It'll be a war between you and them, and then the Volterra would take notice! They would kill you Edward!" I exclaimed, stepping forward.

"I don't care!" He snarled, making me take back my step. I had never been afraid of him before today. But this.. I didn't know what to make of it. Whether he was angry with me, or Jacob…I couldn't tell for sure. "I care!" I yelled, stomping my foot like a two year old. I had to keep his attention somehow!

"Yes, Edward, he raped me! I can get over that if you're here! But, if you died.. I would die. I'd never get over losing you completely! It was my fault it happened anyways, so if you want to be mad, be mad at me! Just don't die because of me!" I shouted, wiping furiously at the tears that had betrayed me.

"No!" Edward yelled, making his way to me. He stood just inches away, and pointed a finger in my face. "This was _not_ your fault! Do you understand me? Not your fault! He deserves a fate worse than the death I will give him for what he's done to you!" He demanded.

I touched his face softly, and pleaded to him with my eyes. "Edward, please. Please don't him. We'll stay away from him, from all of them! Just please, please don't do this." I whispered, as more tears began to fall. He wiped them away, and stared lovingly back at me. "Bella, I …"

"Please, Edward! Swear to me you won't touch him. That you won't go near him!" I begged, cutting him off before he could try and persuade me. After a few moments of silence, he sighed heavily. "All right, Bella. I won't touch him, I swear. But, if he comes near you, or this house, I will kill him." He agreed. I smiled widely, and hugged him in thanks. I knew that wouldn't be a problem, Jacob was dumb, but he wasn't suicidal.

The next few weeks were pretty quiet. Edward stayed locked in his room, constantly. The same for me. I came down to eat, but that was about it. My appetite and failed to return, but Alice and Rose continued to bring me food. I never thought I'd see the day when Edward stayed locking in his room because he hated me so much. That was the only reason I could see that he wouldn't come out. But, to go to such degrees just to avoid me was ridiculous. I had a plan, but I couldn't let Alice know it, so I tried my hardest to not decide anything. Jasper came into my room a couple times a day, asking me why I felt this way or that way. I lied, every single time, but I had a feeling he was catching on. After all, I felt guilty for lying; of course he'd feel that. Alice came in this morning, dropped off my food and said the family was going hunting for the weekend. They couldn't stand the depression any longer.

I was relieved when they finally left. I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep up this façade any longer. I had been sneaking things to my truck every time they went hunting, or Alice forced them to go shopping. I thought she'd notice that, but apparently I was better at this not deciding when I've already decided than I thought. Actually, now that I think about it, Jasper was harder to convince than Alice had been. He kept asking why I was always sick to my stomach, or sad, or afraid. I just told him I was thinking about the incident with Jacob. I sat at my desk, wrote them a note, and snuck out to my truck. If Edward heard any of it, he never showed it. The only reason I knew he was still there was because of Alice.

With a heavy sigh, I wiped my tears away, and started the truck. It had been six weeks. Six long weeks of carrying Jacob's baby. My stomach already had a little pouch, so it was good that I was going now. They'd figure it out soon enough, but I didn't want to be there when they did. Now that I was gone, Edward would talk to his family again, and they'd never have to see me.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks to the people who've reviewed so far. I really appreciate it. =] But, b/c I'm greedy I'd like more. =D Oh, yeah-I don't own Twilight.. sadly. **

**Eleven**

EPOV-

I heard Bella moving around, and decided that I needed to talk to her. I needed to know that she was okay. I'd been staying in my room because it was the only way I could keep my promise of not hurting that piece of shit dog. It was also to keep myself from begging Bella to love me again. I didn't trust myself not to try and persuade her into forgetting I had abandoned her. Alice kept telling me I was losing her by not speaking to her, but she was wrong. I had already lost her.

I knocked on Bella's door, and after a few minutes I went in anyway. I figured she wouldn't talk to me right away. Why would she? I'd treated her terribly. I needed to apologize, and let her know I loved her. As I walked toward her bed, I began to realize how empty her room looked. Had it always looked this way? No, not with Alice living here as well. I stopped at her desk, and noticed a note addressed to my family in her beautiful writing. This was surely not good.

_Alice and family;_

_Sorry to sneak out on you this way, but if I had tried to leave while you were here, well we all know how that would have gone. Obviously, Edward despises me so much he's taken to ignoring all of you as well. I figured it was better for me to leave and let your family be together again. I'll be staying at my old house until I figure something else out. Please, don't try and contact me. Just let it be. _

_All my love,_

_Bella_

Damn it! Edward, you imbecile! I had to tell the family. How could Alice not have seen this?! Surely Bella didn't just decide this on a whim! I raced back to my room, and dialed Alice's number. When she didn't answer, I tried Carlisle. I threw my phone to the ground, and raced out of the house. What good were cell phones if they weren't going to answer them! Bella could not stay in that house! It's the middle of November, and there is no power! Silly Bella! I wanted to go straight there, but knew that if I did, she'd refuse me. I needed to get the entire family together, then she'd be more apt to listen and come home. With me. Where she belonged.

BPOV-

This stupid house was freezing! Oh well, I'd only be cold a few minutes anyways. These damn pregnancy hormones have me burning up the majority of the time. I couldn't eat anything except crackers, and I could only stomach water. I'd kept a huge stock of both in my room back at the Cullen's. I had enough to sustain myself a few days, but I'd have to make a stop before I left Forks. I'd probably only stay here for the weekend. Monday morning I'd have to leave Forks for sure. Edward wouldn't come out of his room anyway, so I knew they wouldn't find out before at least tomorrow night. Hmm.. maybe I should be gone by tomorrow. Best to be gone before they know I've left. Otherwise, they'd just drag me back. It's better this way. For everyone.

I sat there, pondering where I could go. I've had plenty of money since my parents' accident, so that wasn't an issue. I could literally go anywhere in the world, and still have more than enough money to last my lifetime. The only issue would be this, where could I go that the Cullen's wouldn't look for me? Pft. No where.

"Bella."

My heart stopped at the sound of Jacob's voice. How did he find me here? What was I supposed to do? I should have paid closer attention! Stupid Bella! I stayed under the covers, huddled in the corner, trying not to panic. It was dark, maybe he couldn't see me.

"I can hear your heart. It's beating so fast, Bella. What's wrong? Why are you afraid? It's just me." He taunted. I could hear him walking around. It sounded like he was in the kitchen. Maybe if I crawled, I could make it the stairs.. or out the front door to my truck. I moved slower than a snail, praying he couldn't hear my hands and knees brushing the ground. I made it to the stairs, and ran as fast I could to my room. I shut the locked the door, and pushed my old dresser in front of it. Nothing had been moved after the accident. I couldn't bear to come back here and have all those memories flooding my brain.

The Cullen's bought me all new things, per Alice's suggestions of course. Now, I dropped to my knees hoping there was something I could use as a weapon if Jake got through. There had to be something around here! I screamed when his hand wrapped around my hair. Shit! I forgot he was still faster than me! He probably climbed through the damn window! How did I not hear him?

"Jake! Please stop! I have to tell you something!" I screamed as he dragged me down the hall. I actually hadn't planned on telling him anything, but I was willing to improvise if it kept him from hurting me anymore.

"What?!" He yelled, pulling me in front of him. I couldn't look at him, so I stared at the floor. "I'm pregnant." I whispered. "You're lying. You're a fucking liar!" He screamed, smacking me hard across the face. I lost my balance, and reached out for him, but it was useless. I felt myself fall backwards, and tumble down the stairs. I had a moment to think _what will he do to me now_, and then the world went black.

EPOV-

I could hear my family up ahead, laughing, having a good time. "Alice!" I screamed, stopping a few feet away. She was there in an instant. "Edward?" She questioned, a few seconds later the rest of the family was with her. "How did you not see this? How could she have gotten past you?" I accused, stepping closer. Before I could say another word, I was seeing her visions. One of Bella laying in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, the next of us all sitting at a hospital. "Fuck!" I yelled, turning and making my way back towards her old house. I'd be angry later; right now I had to get to Bella.

"Edward! I saw it earlier, but I also saw you stopping her! What happened?" Alice asked, coming up next to me. I knew I should have checked on her earlier. "I decided to wait a little longer, didn't you see that?" I responded harshly. "No, I didn't have a reason to." She snapped back. This was not her fault. It was mine, as usual. Damn it! Could I not do anything right when it came to Bella?

Within minutes we were running up the porch steps into her old house. Immediately the stench of werewolves hit me. Oh, no! Please not again! I burst through the door, and ran to Bella's limp body. As far as I could tell, no one else was here. I gently touched her cheek, and sighed in relief when she whimpered in response. She was alive, that was a start.

"Is he here?" She whispered, still not opening her eyes. "No, love he's gone. What happened?" I asked, leaning down to better understand her. "He didn't believe me. Said I was lying, and I fell." She mumbled. Then suddenly, she sat up, winching at the pain it caused her. "Get me to a hospital! Alice, please take me to the hospital now!" She exclaimed, trying to stand up. "Where's Carlisle?" She asked, as I carried her outside.

"He and Esme are on their way to the hospital, Bella. What's the matter? What's hurt?" Alice asked, sitting next to her in the car. "I'll explain later, after I see Carlisle." She answered, closing her eyes. I drove as fast as I could, grateful that Bella was in the backseat not paying attention to me.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. Again. =] it makes me happy! And now, here's a side of Bella that I … like quite frankly. Oh, yeah-I don't own Twilight.. sadly. **

**Twelve**

BPOV-

I was terrified. Sitting in the stupid hospital, in a stupid gown while Carlisle was examining me. I did not want to lose this baby. I could not lose this baby. She was the only person in the world who would love me, and always want me. Maybe it was selfish, but I didn't care.

"Okay, Bella. The baby seems to be fine. You're very lucky. A fall like should have been fatal in this early of a pregnancy. We do have a problem though." Carlisle stated, not meeting my eyes. My heart started to pound. He was going to tell me not to keep the baby. I knew it. I knew he would do this.

"With the baby being a werewolf's baby, there is a chance that it could kill you when it's born. It's not common for a human woman to have a werewolf's baby after the werewolf has shifted, and live to tell about it." He explained quietly. Oh. So, basically, I was going to die. Yippee ki yay. "I'm not getting rid of this baby." I stated firmly, crossing my arms. Within seconds, Edward and Alice were at my bedside. Nosey vampires.

"Bella, you have to get rid of this baby. Now, before it grows any more!" Edward exclaimed. He looked... really worried. Strange considering he hates me. "You don't care Edward, remember?" I snapped. He sighed, and sat next to me. He looked at Carlisle, and Alice. "Can you please give us a little time to ourselves?" He asked. Carlisle left immediately, but Alice stuck around.

"I just want to say this, to you both. I love you Edward, you're my brother. And Bella, I love you also. But, you guys are driving me crazy! I have never had a problem knowing whether or not something was going to happen until recently, and it's driving me insane! So, would you two just stop being so damned selfish and stubborn, and confess your undying love for each other all over again, and just BE TOGETHER!" She exclaimed before stomping out of the room. I couldn't help but chuckle at her. Poor little pixie, I'm sure between the two of us she's had a long ride.

"Bella…" Edward began, not meeting my eyes. Great, here comes the part where he says goodbye all over again, and tells me how I'll be better off without him. I didn't think my heart could stand to be broken all over again, so I decided to save him the trouble. "I get it Edward, alright? Please spare yourself the heartache of telling me you don't want me." I stated sarcastically. I couldn't help it. I was tired of him giving me excuses about how he wasn't good enough for me. Stupid vampire.

"I love you, okay? I've loved you for so long, I can't even remember when it started! I don't care if you think you aren't good for me! Actually, I don't care what you think about anything right now! You're so freaking selfish! How dare you confess your love for me, and then not two seconds later tell me you don't want me! You have no idea what that did to me! Now, you wanted me to have sex with a human, well, he wasn't exactly human but he was as close as I'm ever going to get! And no, it wasn't… consensual, but it was still sex! And you wanted me to have children; well I'm having a fucking child!

"So, before you open up that stupid, beautiful mouth of yours, you better have a damn good reason for not loving me! And don't you _**dare**_ say it's because you aren't good for me! I will decide what is or is not good for me!" I yelled, crossing my arms for affect. That was not how I pictured begging Edward Cullen to want me, but it would just have to do. Damn hormones! We sat in silence for a few minutes before I finally got the courage to meet his eyes. Was he… he was! The jerk had the audacity to smile at me? Now? I could kill him! I opened my mouth to tell him to get out, but he kissed me before I had the chance.

"You are so beautiful when you're angry." He whispered, pulling away. I'm sure my face was ten different shades of red, but I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face. "I love you, and I'm sorry I hurt you before. I know that doesn't make it okay, but I am. I don't deserve you, and I thought if I just…left that you would forget me. Alice told me you wouldn't, but I just…I couldn't believe her. I had to know for sure before I even contemplated a relationship with you. But, Bella, you can't keep this baby." He finished quietly.

"Then change me!" I yelled, a little too loudly. He looked up at me with a startled expression. "What?" He asked in disbelief. "If you're so damn worried about losing me than change me after the baby is born! I told you, you wanted me to have a baby, I'm having a baby! If I'm going to die, then change me! You'd have no reason not to! You aren't taking anything from me if I'm dying, Edward." I exclaimed. I was really starting to get agitated. I got out of bed, and put my sweatpants back on. Turning away from him, I threw the hospital gown off and quickly slipped my sweatshirt on. Enough of this crap. I turned around, and got right in his face.

"Edward Cullen, I love you. I want to be with you. And if you want to be with me, then you are seriously going to have to deal with this dilemma because I. Am. Having. This. Baby." I declared, and walked out. I walked straight past the Cullen's, and continued to the doors. "Bella! You can't just leave! Carlisle might not want you to go home!" Alice chimed, running up to me.

"He can kiss my ass. I'm pregnant, I'm hungry, and I'm _sick_ of your brother and his stupid conscious. I'm going home, Alice." I stated, continuing to Edward's Volvo. I saw her smile, and slide into the backseat with me. "They're coming don't worry." She stated when I gave her a questioning look. I didn't really like this hormonal stuff, but at least this way, no one wanted to argue with me.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: sadly…I do not own twilight. But it comes out on dvd march 21****st****!!! yay!!**

**Thirteen**

The ride home was silent. I could see Edward's perfect face in the driver's seat scrunched up in concentration and anger. Alice sat beside me with a slight smirk on her face, and every so often Edward would sneer. I knew Alice was aggravating him, probably with different visions of me being changed. After a few minutes, I'd quit watching them and stared out the window.

"Enough!" Edward growled, pounding his fist on the steering wheel. I couldn't help but jump at the sound of his voice. He pulled the car over, and jumped out slamming the door. "What was that?" I asked, glaring at Alice. I knew it was her, no one else was with us, and he sure as hell couldn't read _my_ mind. "Nothing. It's not my fault I have visions." She stated, crossing her arms stubbornly. Uh oh. This was not good. "Alice." I scolded, trying not to smile. She was trying to help me, I couldn't honestly be angry at her for that.

"I'll be right back. He's not going to get back in the car with me until he yells at me a little." She stated. Her tinkling laughter filled the car as she went after him. They'd only been gone a few minutes, but Edward had shut the car off, and taken the keys. I should have been cold, being as it was November, but I was burning up. I peeled my sweatshirt off, and put my hair up in a messy bun. Sitting there in my sweatpants and bra…I did not feel any better. It felt like I was in a sauna. A very…very hot sauna. I could hear them arguing right outside the car. I climbed over the driver's seat, and opened the door.

"Can I please have the keys?" I asked, staring up at them. Neither of them so much as glanced in my direction. "Excuse me." I said a little louder. Still, they continued on as if they hadn't heard me. I knew they had, they hear everything, all the time. "Guys." I practically yelled. Nothing. "Hello?" I did yell this time. Not a glance. I sighed heavily, got out of the car, stood right in between them, and yelled, "Can I _please_ have the fucking keys?!"

"All you had to do was ask Bella." Alice stated with a grin. Stupid know it all vampire. She did that on purpose. The question was why? "Bella, where is your shirt?" I blushed, and ignored Edward. The little pixie decided to have some fun. That explains it. If I had sat in the car, and she'd answered me, Edward would not have paid attention to the fact that I had no shirt on. This way, he had to notice. I mean, it _was_ November, and I was in a bra. I swear it was even hotter outside than it was in that damned car! This was getting ridiculous.

"Can we please just go home? You two can argue after I'm in a nice cold shower." I stated, crossing my arms to cover what I had of a chest. "You're hot?" Edward asked, looking concerned. I glared at him. "No, Edward. I just wanted to show my boobs off in the middle of November to whoever might possibly be driving by." I snapped. He looked hurt, and that made me feel guilty. "Sorry." I mumbled, getting back in to the car. Edward and Alice followed quickly behind, and we were home in no time. I put my hoodie back on to avoid more gawking and questions, and ran up to my room. I turned the shower all the way on cold, and jumped in. Ahhh. That was much better.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been in there, but it was apparently long enough to worry Alice. She knocked on the door, and didn't bother waiting for a response. "Bella, you need to get out of that shower. It's too cold in there for you." She stated, pulling the curtain back. "Alice!" I yelled, snatching the towel from her. "Oh please, I have exactly what you have. Get over it, and get out." She snapped, dragging me along. "Alice, what is the big deal? It's just a stupid shower." I argued, plopping down on her bed.

"Bella! You're human! You cannot take a 45 minute shower in ice cold water! Haven't you ever heard of hypothermia?" she exclaimed, throwing shorts and a tank top at me. I huffed, and got dressed as she was rummaging through her closet for who knows what. "Well, I wouldn't have to take an ice cold shower if this baby would give me a break! These stupid hormones are driving me crazy! I'm so hot I'm sweating constantly, and in case you haven't noticed I'm pretty bitchy!" I stated a little louder than I'd anticipated. Alice just snorted, and continued rummaging. "Besides, you can't get hypothermia from taking a shower know it all." I said sarcastically.

"I won't get hypothermia from a cold shower, you, however are human. Therefore, you will get hypothermia from a 45 minute cold shower, in a house with the air conditioning on!" She snapped, coming out with a box full of clothes. "We aren't going back to that old house, ever again. So, these will have to do until we can get to the mall for some new clothes for you. Don't worry, it's all tank tops and shorts. There are a couple pairs of jeans and a few hoodies for when we go out of the house. You can't walk around in November in summer clothes. You'll really be sick then, and Edward would kill me." She explained.

I snorted. There was a very simple solution to this problem we had. "Alice, promise me something." I said quietly. She came and sat next to me. "He's going to hate me for this." She muttered, motioning me to continue. "Well, actually, does he love me?" I whispered. She nodded vigorously. "Does he want to be with me?" I whispered even lower. She nodded again, even more vigorously. Good. That makes this easier to do. "If he won't change me, or if he tries to chicken out, you'll do it right?" I asked, so low I wasn't sure she could hear me. "Of course I will, Bella. I promise. You're my best friend after all, I wouldn't dream of losing you if I could stop it." She agreed with a smile. I smiled back, hugged her and made my way to my room. I was exhausted. This baby was really taking a lot out of me.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: okay, so I'm thinking I'm going to need a Beta..b/c I keep forgetting to go back and re-read this stuff to make sure there are no errors. Any takers?? Also—review please. =] I love you!!**

**Fourteen**

Three hours later, sleep had still eluded me. Just a few minutes ago, I'd had to change my clothes I was sweating so badly. This was getting to be ridiculous. Had I said that already? If so, too bad because it was true. With a heavy sigh, I got out of bed, and went quietly across the hall. There was only person who'd be able to help me right now. Well, actually there were at least five, but only one I wanted to help me. I lost my nerve just before I knocked on his door, pacing in front of it instead. I'm sure he didn't want to see me anyway; I mean he was angry at me. I had started to walk back to my room when his door opened.

"Bella?" He questioned, looking confused. I just stared at him, debating. I really wanted to lay with him, but I was afraid of him rejecting me again. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his room gently. "Why aren't you asleep?" He questioned, pulling me onto the bed with him. I had to fight very hard not to smile at how quickly he reverted back to old ways. He tried to cover me up, but I quickly kicked them off.

"Bella, you have to stay covered up." He argued quietly. I shook my head sternly. "No way, feel my head! It's too hot in here." I complained, dragging his hand to my head. "I know you're sweating, but you'll get sick." He countered quickly. Know it all. "Edward, please do not argue with me. I'm hot, hormonal, and extremely tired. I really don't want to have to yell at you." I stated matter of factly. He chuckled, but resigned. Smart vampire that. "Well, as much as I love the blush you get when you're angry, I would rather you sleep than yell anymore today." He stated, kissing my head lightly. He began humming my lullaby, and within minutes I was out.

EPOV-

I was lying there, holding my love as close as I dared being as she was uncovered, just watching her sleep. This was the one of the things I had missed the most while in Chicago. I was elated when I heard her pacing outside my door earlier. I knew what she wanted, and wasted no time in giving it to her. She's only been sleeping for a couple of hours, but she had been tossing and turning the past fifteen minutes. We were all really worried about this baby. I had just gotten her back into my life; I did not want to lose her so soon again. My dilemma, wasn't if I wanted to change her, it was could I change her? I was a selfish vampire, no doubt about that. I just wasn't sure I'd be able to stop myself from killing her.

Though I was angry with Alice for showing me those visions earlier, I was glad she had. She'd shown me what my…existence would like without Bella, and it was not good. I always knew I wouldn't survive without her, now I just had proof. She'd also shown me a vision of her changing Bella, which was the one I exploded over. I knew she'd promised Bella she'd change her if I couldn't, and I was angry about that as well. But, at the same time, I was grateful to have a sister that cared so much for me, and for Bella. I only hoped it wouldn't come down to that. Bella seemed to have all the faith in the world in me; I just needed to reciprocate that faith.

Bella had been feeling warmer the longer she slept, and I was about to wake her when she jumped up and darted to the bathroom. Oh, this was not good. From what Carlisle had told me, she hadn't been eating before, and now she was vomiting. I needed to find a way to get some nutrition into her system before it was too late. If we couldn't get her body to keep anything down…she'd be dead before the baby was born. And if that happened, I would not be able to change her. She'd never forgive any of us for allowing her to live if the baby would not. No matter that the baby would die if she did anyways. She'd never see it that way. Not Bella.

BPOV-

They were taking me to a stupid hospital tomorrow. All because of a little morning sickness today. I kept telling them I was eating crackers, and tried to persuade them that that was enough nutrients to keep my body sustained, but no one listened. I was a human, they kept saying, my body needed more nutrients than crackers could provide, no matter how many I ate. Stupid, paranoid vampires I tell ya. I was fine with just crackers. Honest.

The only reason I'd agreed to a hospital was because they told me if I didn't get the 'proper nutrients' my body needed, the baby wouldn't make it. I couldn't live with myself if the baby died because I was being stubborn. That's just pure selfishness, and I haven't been that way my whole life why start now? Now, just because I agreed to go to the hospital, did _not_ mean I had to like it. And I was letting them know that in my own special ways. I was hiding in my room. I'd been there since earlier this morning when we'd talked about going in the first place. And the whole three times I had come down so far, I'd stomped my feet the entire way down the stairs, and back up.

Not to mention I slammed the cabinets every time I took a glass down, or got more crackers. I was in my room again, waiting for nightfall. Praying it would come quickly, so we could get this stupid visit to the hospital over with. I was alone now, everyone else had gone hunting, even Edward. Said they wanted to be prepared for however long we'd be in the hospital. Apparently none of them planned on leaving my side the duration of my stay there. This was slightly more comforting than I'd admit to any of them. At least I knew I wouldn't be alone, at all, and that Jake could never get to me if they were with me.

I was just dosing off, when I got a sharp pain in my stomach. I sighed heavily, and got back out of bed. I hated hunger pains. I made my way slowly down the steps and into the kitchen as the pains got sharper and sharper. This did not feel like hunger pains. As another one struck and brought me to my knees, I knew they were definitely not due to hunger. I made my way to living room, where the closest phone was, and dialed Edward first. I heard the distant sound of his phone, and hung up immediately. He never leaves his phone here. He's usually too paranoid for that. Crapola. Okay, Bella, don't panic. I can drive; too, I'll just take a trip to the ER and make sure everything is okay.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: okay, so I'm thinking I'm going to need a Beta..b/c I keep forgetting to go back and re-read this stuff to make sure there are no errors. Any takers?? Also—review please. =] I love you!!**

**Fifteen**

Fifteen minutes later, I was still sitting in the driveway. The pains were so intense and coming so quickly I could barely get a breath in between them. I kept calling Alice's phone, but she wasn't answering. Surely she didn't leave hers here too right? I mean, what are the chances of them both leaving their phones, on the same night, when I would desperately need them? Oh, that's right. This is my life we're talking about. Of course that would happen to me. Because God despises me for some unknown reason. Okay, I had to get to the hospital. I started the car, and backed out slowly. No need to run over any squirrels, or you know…ants or something.

Naturally, it started to rain, and dusk was setting in just nicely. I flicked the headlights on, and clutched my stomach as yet more pains came and went. I knew I was driving incredibly fast for my liking, but I desperately needed a hospital. I was beginning to worry for the baby now; I had no idea what was going on, and could only hope and pray to the God who hates me that I wasn't in labor. If I was, the baby would surely be stillborn. I was only 7 weeks. No baby, not even partial werewolf, could survive outside of the womb this early. It just wasn't possible, and I knew it. This was why I was doing 95 mph, in the pouring rain, on a winding road. The pains were more getting worse by the minute, and I was getting more worried. A particularly bad cramp had me clutching my stomach and glancing down to see if I was bleeding yet. When I looked back up, it was too late to do anything.

APOV-

I was about to make my first kill of the night when my vision stopped me in my tracks. I hadn't realized I'd been screaming until it was over, and everyone was standing around me. I looked around for Edward, but I couldn't see him. "Where is he?" I yelled to anyone who'd answer. "He's a few miles north of us why? What's happened Alice?" Jasper asked, calmly as usual.

"Oh no no no, this is bad! This is so bad! Oh, Bella! I have to get to her, now!" I exclaimed, walking away from my family. Oh! How could I have not seen this? And our phones! Oh, how I could have been so stupid! "Tell Edward to meet me back at the house in an hour! Tell him not to waste time!" I yelled, making a run for it. Oh, please don't let me be too late! It took me only a few minutes to reach her, but the sight of it all made me cringe. If I could have cried, I'd have been sobbing hysterically right now. Edward's Volvo was completely wrapped around a telephone pole. The driver's door was caved in totally…and no sign of Bella though she had to be in the car. There was no way she could have gotten out. She was only…only human after all. Oh my gosh! Please let her be alright!

"Bella!" I screamed, walking around the car. "Bella! You answer me right now!" I screamed louder. I busted out the already cracked window on the passenger side, grabbed the door frame, and ripped it away from the wreckage. I kneeled over broken bits of the car, knowing I was denting it further, and not caring. All that mattered was saving Bella. She could _not_ be dead. I would have seen that for sure. After just a couple glances, I knew she wasn't in the vehicle. That was impossible! How would she have gotten out? I moved away from the totaled Volvo, and began searching around it. The back windshield was completely shattered; maybe she'd…been thrown from the car before it hit the tree. Oh! That stupid dog! If he'd have never touched her, I would have seen this clearly! But, that baby being half werewolf clouded my vision just as the others did! I hated this! I walked back to the street, glanced the opposite direction, and gasped. There was Edward, standing in the pouring rain, staring daggers at me. I knew he'd hate me for this. It was my fault! My entire fault! Stupid Alice!

EPOV-

"Edward!" Alice yelled, running towards me. I knew this wasn't her fault; I desperately tried not to be angry with her for this. She never could see clearly when the dogs were involved. Especially with Bella. She stopped just inches from me, and I could see the distress written all over her face. The torment of not knowing this would happen, or where Bella was at that moment. I did the only thing I could do, and pulled her to me as she sobbed tearlessly.

"Alice, it's not your fault okay? We just need to find her, now, before something worse happens." I consoled her emotionlessly. My life…or existence rather was sure to be over the moment we found Bella. She was human, and she was dead. She could not have survived that crash. Seeing my car in broken pieces, wrapped around a pole, other pieces scattered about the highway, I knew. She was gone.

Still, as the others showed up we searched. None of us missing an inch, investigating every little trace of scent that even came close to Bella's. I was just about to give up when Alice gasped.

"What about…"She trailed off before finishing the sentence, but I finished it for her. "Under the car? Alice, be serious. How could she have gotten under the car?" Rosalie snapped, crossing her arms. She wasn't letting me read her thoughts, but Jasper's emotions proved what I was thinking. She was feeling guilty. For what I wondered?

"If…umm, if she was thrown from the car…before it wrapped around the pole…she could have landed…there." She choked out, walking slowly towards what used to be the Volvo. I didn't care about the damned car. All I cared about was Bella…and how I could end this pitiful existence once we discovered she was…dead.

Emmett and Jasper each went to opposite ends of the car, and lifted slowly. I didn't look. I couldn't, but it turned out, I didn't need to anyway. Alice and Rosalie both screamed, and that was enough for me. I hung my head, and walked away. Not far, just far enough that I couldn't immediately see the remains of my beloved flattened out by a stupid automobile that I insisted she drive instead of her old truck. I collapsed to my knees just as guttural dry sobs wracked my body. I had left her once, because of my stupidity. This time, she had left me, in an entirely different way, but for the very same reason.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:I own nothing.**

**Sixteen**

APOV-

I knew my brother would mistake our gasps to mean Bella was dead, but I couldn't control it. I was too relieved to do anything else. She wasn't dead…yet. She was looking around frantically, tears blurring her visions no doubt, and gasping terribly for breath. I knew it wouldn't be long, and I knew what had to be done. I quickly kneeled beside her, and grabbed onto her hand.

"Bella?" I whispered, praying she was coherent enough to hear me now. She had to be, I couldn't do this without knowing she understood completely what was to happen. Within seconds, she turned her head slightly to better see me, and tried to smile. "Alice." It was barely there, but I heard it. My name, she knew me. This was looking good.

"Bella, listen to me, okay? Listen very carefully." I instructed, and then waited for her reply. I was vaguely aware of Edward standing over us, telling me to stop, but I ignored him. I made a promise to my best friend, and I intended to keep it. Whether or not my brother approved. That last thought was directed at him, and it shut him up quickly. Good.

"Alice, I…wrecked…the car." Bella gasped quietly. I couldn't help but chuckle. Leave it to Bella to worry about replaceable items on her death bed. Literally. "Bella, honey, the car is not important. You, you are important. Do you know what's happening?" I asked, leaning into her so she didn't have to strain so hard to speak. She nodded slowly, and winched from the pain.

"I'm dying." She responded tears filling her eyes again. Oh, how I wished I could cry with her. I desperately wished I could, this was my fault. I heard Edward growl behind me, but I ignored him. "Tell Edward I …love him." She whispered again. I whimpered, and hung my head over her limp body.

"No, you tell him yourself in about three days, okay?" I stated, trying my best to smile at her. She looked confused, and then realization dawned on her. "No, Alice, the baby." She whispered frantically. I swear, when Bella is doing better, I will kill that damn dog myself! "Bella, that baby is going to die with you." I explained, trying not to snap. I mean, honestly, she could be so…frustrating sometimes!

"She's probably already dead. It…it doesn't matter. You can't do…do this. Edward…can't live…" She trailed off, her voice weaker than before. I had to do this. Now, before it was too late. I kissed her hand as her eyes began to flutter, and stood up. "Edward, you have about five seconds to do this. If you don't, or won't I will do it. And if you try to stop me so help me, I will kill you." I growled, showing him in my mind the variable visions I'd had over the course of the last few weeks. He flinched only once, which I was surprised at, but knelt by Bella just the same.

"What if she doesn't forgive me?" he whispered, looking so miserable. "She will. I promise." I lied. It's not that she wouldn't forgive him…she wouldn't remember him. Not at first anyways. I had done very well to keep that from him; even now I didn't let him know it. It would kill him, and change his mind. It would only take a day…if even that long before she remembered us all. But all he would hear was she wouldn't remember him. I motioned for the others to follow me, to give Edward some privacy; I knew he was strong enough for this. I'd seen it already, remember?

"Emmett, you go back to the house, and set up their room okay? Jasper, I need you to call Carlisle from the hospital, explain what's happened, and get Esme home. She doesn't need to be here for this. Rose, can you hurry and get my car please? We can't risk running all the way back with Bella screaming. I'll stay with Edward, and we'll meet you all back at the house." I instructed quietly. Within moments, we were alone, and Edward was leaning in for the first bite. He hesitated only a second at her neck, and then bit down, softly at first, then harder.

By the time he reached her second wrist, Rosalie was back with my car, and had disappeared again. He'd just finished her last ankle, when the first scream tore from Bella's throat. We hurried into the car, and I drove as fast I dared back to the house. Wouldn't due to wreck another car tonight, surely Bella's luck would run out before the change was complete. She screamed the entire way home, but once inside, she just stopped. Her body still trembled, she'd whimper quietly, but no more screams. It was like a switch had been turned off inside of her.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:I own nothing. Must I remind you to review? =D please?**

**Seventeen**

BPOV-

I remembered talking with Alice, and telling her not to change me. But now, I was regretting that decision. Surely this was what it felt like to die, it must have been! Being changed could surely not feel _this_ badly! At first, it wasn't so bad. It was just…like coming inside a nice warm house after being out in the snow too long. Where your limbs are so cold, your skin gets hot as it warms back up. But then, it quickly turned into the fiery pits of hell twice over.

I was vaguely aware of Edward's angelic voice coming from somewhere in the darkness, telling me to hold on. Pleading with me to hang on, that it would be over soon. It was then that I resolved myself to not screaming anymore. I allowed myself small whimpers, and there was no way I could control the shaking and trembling my body was doing, but I would not scream while Edward was there. It was vital to not let him know how badly this hurt me. Had I said that before? I couldn't remember…the end must be near. Strange. I always thought that when I died, my life would flash before my eyes. I'd come to dream of seeing Edward flashing through my mind as I died, but instead…it seemed I was forgetting.

At that moment, I focused all of my energy into remembering everything I possibly could before it was too late. I was intent on remembering Ed…Edward! And Alice, and the rest of the Cullens! I could not forget them! I could not forget the love of my life. I wouldn't forget…um…what was his name? No! No! No! Damn it! Remember Bella! Edward! Yes! Remember Edward, and the meadow! Oh, the meadow. How we played hide and seek almost every day. And we had to play by the rules he'd made up to make it fair. I smiled internally remembering the last day we'd spent there. How I had technically tricked him by sitting in the middle of the clearing, while he searched the woods.

Had it not been for Alice, he wouldn't have found me for awhile. And I remembered our dinner that night. There were some not so great moments, but the majority of it was wonderful. His smile, oh how I loved his smile! It was my favorite part…I screamed. I couldn't help it. The pain was getting too intense! I tried to clamp my mouth shut, tried to block the fire, tried desperately to ignore the pain!

"Bella, its okay, love. Scream, scream as much as you'd like. If it helps, scream non stop. I don't care. Don't hold it in just because you're worried about me." The most beautiful, silken voice I'd ever heard whispered lovingly into my ear. Who was this angel speaking to me? I must be close; surely he was an angel from heaven. Oh, please God let me close to the end! I couldn't bear much more of this agony!

It lasted for hours, day's maybe. I wasn't sure really. I just know it felt like forever, and then suddenly it was over. As fast as it had come, it was gone. Finally! My throat felt funny, and there was a slight pressure in my chest I hadn't remembered before, but I felt…great! I felt alive, free, light as a feather. I slowly opened my eyes, afraid of what I'd see, and discovered that I was alone. Strange. I could have sworn I heard voices. I got up, and noticed easily I'd stood. It was as if I were walking on air, I couldn't feel my own weight. Was that normal? I looked around and noticed for the first time I was what appeared to be a bedroom. To my left was a couch, facing a wall of floor to ceiling windows.

Immediately, I walked over to them, and peered outside. The distance I could see was ridiculous. I could see the miniscule amounts of moisture on the tiniest leaves of the trees, not to mention how **far** I could see. And my hearing! There was a blue jay at least two miles away (a/n:just go with it okay? Thanks). How was this even possible? I also heard several voices, talking quickly, trying to whisper and failing miserably. Everything seemed…so much different than I remembered. Wait…wasn't I supposed to be dead? Was this hell? Surely not…I mean, where was the fire everyone talked about, and the misery, and the…devil? Maybe this was heaven…but that didn't seem right either.

"Bella! You're awake!" An extremely short, black haired…pixie looking creature chirped at me. I'm sure my face must have shown my confusion, but she proceeded as if she'd known me our entire lives. Had she? She seems familiar, but…I couldn't place her. "I know you must be confused, of course you would be, and I'm sure you're thirsty you have to be thirsty. You look just the same as before, only…prettier maybe? I don't know…that sounds horrible doesn't it? I'm sorry, I don't mean it that way, you were always pretty just now you're…"

"Who are you?" I snapped, cutting her off finally. I mean, if she was going to ramble on about how I was…prettier than before she could at least tell me her name. Wait. "What do you mean prettier than before? Before what exactly?" I asked, crossing my arms. Her tinkling laughter filled the room as she plopped down onto the bed. She patted the spot next to her, I assume inviting me to sit with her….yeah right. I cocked my brow, and shook my head no. I wasn't sitting next to a stranger.

"I'm Alice, Alice Cullen. You'll remember don't worry. I meant before your… ahh…change. There's much to discuss, Bella, please have a seat." She answered quickly, patting the bed again. I shook my head again. I didn't know if I could trust her yet, and I wasn't about to sit within grabbing distance. I heard footsteps, and turned towards the door. A few seconds later, four other people walked in. The only other female was a tall blonde, bombshell…what? There was no other word for her. She put the best looking supermodels to shames. She also looked like a bitch. (A/N: I couldn't resist.)

There was a tall, burly, muscular guy standing next to her, protecting her maybe? Another blonde next to him, who looked strangely like the girl. Twins maybe? He seemed to be…observing me quite closely. Odd. The guy next to him took my breath away. I felt like I should know him from somewhere, I just wasn't sure where. He was…godly. Golden eyes that could swallow me up in a heartbeat, and unruly bronze colored hair I was so tempted to run my fingers through I almost took a step. Almost. He was looking at me expectantly, and that just proved my point further. I should know these people. So, the million dollar question, why didn't I?


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:I own nothing. Must I remind you to review? =D please?**

**Eighteen**

"Edward, do** not** open your mouth right now, trust me it won't go over so well. I'll explain everything later." Alice whispered so fast I thought I'd misunderstood her. Was that even humanly possible to speak that fast? It must have been I guess. I mean…what else could she be? A vampire? Pft.

"Actually, yes." She stated. Huh? I looked questioningly at her, and she smiled. "You said that out loud." She stated with a smirk. I waited for the familiar blush to creep into my face, but I never felt it. Weird. How could I remember everything about me, but nothing about them? That didn't make any sense. "So let me get this straight…you're vampires?" I stated incredulously. She shook her head no. "Oh, okay good. Because I was seriously going to admit you to the nut ward."

"You're also a vampire." She replied, still smirking. What? "No, I'm not. Vampires don't exist." I argued quickly. "Yes they do. We're all vampires." She retaliated. "No they don't. That is ridiculous." I snapped. "Are you thirsty?" She asked. Huh? I was now confused.

"Alice, what is going on?" The bronze haired one asked menacingly. "Edward. That's Edward. The erm…supermodel as you so kindly called her is Rosalie. The one protecting her is Emmett. And the other blonde, is Jasper. My husband." She clarified with a loving smile. Oh, okay this wasn't helping my confusion.

"I don't understand." I whispered, sitting on the floor. "Me either." Edward stated, sitting next to me. I stared at him, trying to remember. I knew I should, and I knew it was a vital part of who I was, but I just…couldn't. "You're still beautiful." He stated, flashing the most beautiful crooked smile I had ever seen. Still beautiful? Oh! This was so damn frustrating!

"Why do I not remember you?" I blurted out, staring at Alice. "It happens sometimes sweetheart. You'll remember by tonight or tomorrow. I promise." She explained quietly. "Aren't you thirsty?" Jasper asked, stepping closer to me. I just stared at him. Why would I be thirsty? "I sense you're afraid, and highly confused, but you don't appear to be thirsty. That's most interesting." He stated. "Would you like to take a run?" He asked almost immediately after. A run? Now? I shrugged, and jumped up. "We'll be back." He said to others, grabbing my hand.

"Jas, that isn't a good idea. You shouldn't go without us. She's a newborn." Edward growled lightly. "Yeah, really Jasper. I got a bad feeling about this. I haven't seen anything yet, but this does not feel good." Alice stated. Jasper shook his head, and headed for the door. "We'll be fine." And with that we were gone. Running was like…flying. It was unbelievably fast, but I wasn't scared. It was like I was born for this. It was as natural as breathing. Had it always been this way? So many questions. I felt as if my brain were going to explode from them all.

We hadn't been gone but maybe ten minutes when I first smelled it. It was unlike anything I'd ever smelled before, my mouth was watering. I almost called out to Jasper, but he was too far ahead so I just changed directions. I followed the scent for about three miles, and then I stopped. I had lost it. I smelled in every direction, searching for it. I had to have it! I started to walk back, but I caught that wonderful smell again and headed straight for it. I hadn't realized what I'd done until it was too late. I pulled away against my mouth's protests, and dropped the body. I backed away, and looked around. Someone was screaming, but no one was here. That was when I realized it was me. I was screaming. I had just killed someone. I had bitten someone, and drank their blood. I killed a human being. I couldn't stop screaming. I had backed up until I hit a tree, and there I knelt, staring in horror at what I'd done.

I raised my hands to cover my face and realized I was covered in blood. It was all over my arms, and my shirt, and my hands. I pulled my shirt off as quickly as possible, and tried to wipe it all away. I had to get it off of me! I had to! I was sobbing, but no tears would come. How could I have done this? This wasn't possible. How could I have killed someone?


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:I own nothing. Must I remind you to review? =D please?**

**Nineteen**

I only sat there a few moments before I jumped up again. I walked over to the…body and knelt beside it. Long, scraggly black hair, rough features, it was a man. Or it used to be. He couldn't have been any older than I was, maybe even younger. And now he would never have the chance to grow older, never have the chance to do anything. Because I took that away from him. I killed him.

I heard them all approaching, heard their sharp intakes of breath, felt the shock radiating off of them all. They would hate me for sure now, disown me, and maybe even kill me. For whatever reason, I knew this was intolerable. I was not supposed to kill people, but I had. I stayed right where I was, afraid to move, afraid to breathe, afraid to blink. If they tried to attack me, could I outrun them? Probably not, after all, I am only one person, they are five. The first to approach me was Jasper. He had a look of such…guilt all over his face, Edward was beside him. He wouldn't even look at me. He just kept staring at the boy I had murdered.

"I killed him." I whispered, staring back down. "It was an accident, he just…he smelled so good, and I didn't know what it was until it was too late. I didn't know it was person…I…I had no idea until I'd already…I killed him." I explained as quietly as I could manage. I did not understand why no tears would come, I felt so bad, I wanted to cry and I couldn't. Surely they wouldn't believe it was an accident if I couldn't even cry! What kind of person who feels this badly for something doesn't cry?

"It wasn't your fault Bella, these things happen." Alice stated, kneeling next to me. "Like you said, you didn't know it was a…person until it was too late. Your instincts took over, it happens to every newborn. It was not your fault." She said fiercely. I snorted, and stood up. I was about to say something, when I was hit like a ton of bricks with memories. All of them containing me and the vampires standing before me, and one of Jacob. I sat there, in a stunned silence, taking it all in.

"Bella?" Edward whispered, stepping towards me. I quickly jumped up and backed away. "Don't. Touch. Me." I growled, raising a hand between us. He had done this to me. He had turned me into this…this monster! I glanced back down at the body, and froze. I had killed Jacob Black. I had killed my rapist. Should I have felt better about this? I shouldn't have felt for killing him, right? I mean, he did a horrible thing to me, so why should I feel guilty for having killed him? I should have happy, ecstatic even! He was dead! He couldn't hurt me anymore, yet I wasn't. I was…miserable. I felt so terrible for doing this to him. No one deserved to die…not for anything short of killing someone. I deserved to die.

"Bella, we need to get you home and cleaned up okay? We can talk about this after while." Rosalie stated, coming closer. My trance was broken as she took my arm. I let her lead me to their home; I showered, and went to bed without dressing. I had to get away from here. I could not stay here, with him. I loved him, more than anything, but he had made into something I never wanted to be. I wasn't sure I could forgive him for that, ever.

EPOV-

What had I done? My Bella, my innocent Bella had killed someone. Granted, Jacob deserved a worse fate than death, but not from Bella. I had turned into …me. A monster. She didn't even remember who I was! Alice said she would forgive me, but she'd been wrong before. I made my way downstairs for the meeting Carlisle had called, feeling nothing but remorse and shame for what I'd done to her. I knew I wasn't good for her, this just further proved my point.

"Edward! Don't you **dare** try that stunt again!" Esme scolded, yanking me down into the seat next to hers. Damn Alice and her stupid visions. I couldn't stay away from her anyway. I didn't trust anyone but me to look after her. Especially not now.

"We have to leave. It's too risky staying here; the treaty is of course broken. They'll try to kill Bella, and we can't have that. We can go to the house in Alaska until we find something more permanent. Or, we can just stay there. We can't ever return to Forks, sadly. But, that's a price we're willing to pay for Bella's sake." Carlisle stated, looking from to the other of us.

"We should leave at dusk. I'll go help Bella pack her things, and get her settled down. You all go pack, we can't wait any longer. Who knows if they even knew Jake was gone, either way it wont' take long for them to realize he's missing. We do not want to be around for that." Alice stated, jumping up. "I'll come with you." Rose said, following Alice.

"Wait, you two go pack. I need to speak with her, and it shouldn't wait any longer. After all, you moved her things into my room. It would make more sense for me to go, that way we're all packing at once." I said, running past them leaving no room for debate. I could hear Alice in my head, telling me to be strong. I snorted. If I was strong, I would have stayed away from her to begin with. This all could have been avoided that way.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:I own nothing. **

**Twenty**

BPOV-

I heard him tell the others he'd come up, and I was glad. I had so much I wanted to say to him, so many things I wanted to scream at him, but when he opened the door, and peered in all my anger dissipated. He looked so guilty, so hurt, so…lost. It was obvious he felt bad. Who was I to make it worse? I had killed someone after all.

He cleared his throat after a few minutes, and shut the door behind him. "We need to pack quickly. I thought I could help you." He explained, pulling suitcases down from the closet. Did he love me as I loved him? Was that why he'd changed me? I began pulling clothes from the drawers, and stuffing them into the suitcase as quickly as I could…which turned out to be rather fast. I could get used to this part.

"Edward?" I asked cautiously. He froze on the spot, and looked up at me. I sighed. He was lovely, even when he looked so sad. "Why did you change me?" I whispered, continuing on. He stared for so long I thought he wouldn't answer me. "You were dying." He said simply, as if that explained it all. I bit my lip.

"I couldn't have you die on my watch Isabella." He said, carrying two of the finished suitcases out of the room. At those words, all of my anger came back. Only this time, it was directed more towards me. Stupid girl! Of course he only did it to save you, why would he love you? I heard Alice warning him not to come back, and I smirked. Naturally she would see what would happen, even before I knew what that was.

"Almost finished love? We need to get going, it's almost dusk." He said, zipping up another suitcase. I threw the remaining clothes in the last suitcase, and put my hands on my hips. Enough was enough.

"I can't pretend anymore Edward. When you walked in here the first time around, you looked about as miserable as I feel, and my anger just disappeared. And then I realized, I killed someone not you! So what the hell do you have to be so upset about? Other than the fact that you did this to me! That you changed me into this…thing, and left me alone with one solitary vampire who we both know I could kill right now! And then, I ask for your honest opinion of why you changed me and all you can say is 'I couldn't have you dying on my watch Isabella.' Seriously? What the hell is that? The lamest excuse I've ever heard! You only changed me into this vampire that kills things because you didn't want me to die?

Please! Why don't you just man up already and tell me the truth! Instead of playing these twisted little games with me!" I screamed. I grabbed the last suitcase, and left before he could respond. I knew I would regret that little tirade later, but for now I felt a little better. I got in the car with Alice and Jasper, not caring to see Edward again for a long time. Not twenty minutes into the drive, Alice started in on me.

"He feels bad enough, Bella. Really, you didn't need to say that to him. About him making you a monster, he felt that way without your help." She snapped. "Alice." Jasper warned quietly. "No, Jasper, she needs to hear this." She argued. I heard him sigh, but he said no more. Smart man that.

"He was so worried you wouldn't forgive him. Do you have any idea how much he loves you? He was going to leave again! For you! So you wouldn't feel uncomfortable around him! He was going to give up his entire family, everything he's known for so long just for you! And you go and say something like that! Honestly, Bella!" She scolded.

"I killed a person today Alice. That never would have happened if he would have let me die!" I defended myself. "So? You killed someone, Edward's killed people, and Jasper has. It happens! Deal with it, take it as lesson learned and move on! You aren't going to die Bella, and Edward is right in front of you, wanted to love you. Do you want to spend your eternity in misery, or in love?" She questioned. She turned the radio up, signaling the conversation was over.

I sat there the entire way, thinking over everything she'd said, and what I felt. I loved Edward, with all that I was. Could I spend an eternity without him? No, I definitely could not. Yes, I had killed Jake, but he raped me. Maybe he deserved it, no I didn't any feel less guilty, but I didn't feel as hopeless. That was a start right?

Once I had realized all of this, I couldn't wait to arrive in our new home, to start a new chapter in my life. I wanted to talk to Edward as soon as possible, and apologize for my ranting earlier. I helped unload the cars, and took mine and Edward's things to his room. Alice and Rose took me with them to hunt, showing me the ropes, and telling me what tasted better or worse. By the time we'd finished, I felt better. Refreshed even. I ran straight to my room, in search of Edward. When he wasn't there, I searched the rest of the house too. He wasn't there. No one had seen him, he had driven alone. He wasn't there.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:I own nothing. I'm going out of town for the weekend. Here are two brand spankin' new chapters for you to read. If I don't have lots of reviews when I get back…well, I won't post the next one I have ready for you. [= yeah, sorry its mean, but I'm tired of being added to favorite stories, and story alerts and not having feedback. I mean, there's 22 chapters, and like 8 reviews? That's an issue. =/ sorry**

**Twenty One**

Two weeks.

He's been gone two weeks, and no one could reach him. I've left messages, so has Alice, and everyone else for that matter. We filled his voicemail completely, and he still didn't call. Alice swore to me that she didn't know he would do this, but I think she's lying. It's okay though, I don't blame her. I blame him. Not Edward, Jacob. I'm almost positive I know where he went, and the next hunting trip the family goes on, I'm going after him.

Alice knew, I couldn't hide it from her, but she agreed with me. She said they were going in two more weeks, and if he hadn't returned she told me I should definitely go. The part she didn't know was that I was going next week. I just kept thinking 'two weeks until I go'; when I really knew it was only one. For now, I was sitting on the front porch, listening to every simple sound, watching every tiny movement, hoping that he would come running through the trees, safe and unharmed.

Emmett and Rosalie had been out for an hour or so. Joking around, trying to get me to cheer up. Emmett, naturally, kept making stupid remarks, or corny knock knock jokes, and Rose would snort and hit him. Normally, it was quite entertaining; today I paid no mind to them. I was afraid that if I looked away even for a second, I would miss him. Or a clue to show he was near, on his way back to me. Jasper, Alice, and Esme were out here now. The only two missing were Carlisle, who was at work, and Edward. I had been out here since the sun rose this morning, every one else had ventured to and from every so often. The sun was just beginning to set when Alice handed me her phone. I looked at her, puzzled by her actions. Why would I need this? I couldn't call him, as of last night his phone was shut off completely.

"You'll want to answer that immediately." She stated, nodding for everyone else to go back inside. I was still confused twenty minutes later when the phone actually rang. It scared me, and had I not been a vampire, I would have dropped it. Thank goodness for small blessings I suppose.

"Hello?" I practically shouted.

"It's fixed." My love's melodic voice replied to me. "Edward!" I yelled. "Where are you?" I demanded, getting angry now that I knew he was alright.

"Bella, it's fixed. You're safe." He stated again, quietly this time. Now I was becoming alarmed.

"What do you mean, **I'm** safe? Don't you mean **we** are safe?" I questioned, afraid of the answer. "I never left Forks; instead I went to La Push. I wanted to talk to Sam, and I did. You'll be all right." He explained. I was really alarmed now, this did not sound good.

"Okay, then come home. Or we'll come there if it's fixed. I don't care either way, I just miss you." I stated quickly. He sighed heavily, not a good sign. "Bella, I love you." Was all the reply he gave. "I love you, too Edward, now come home." I said sternly.

"I can't love." He argued. My heart sank. "Why not?" I demanded fiercely. If he says what I think he's going to say I swear I'll kill him. I was pacing back and forth, and looked up when I heard the door open. There stood my entire family, sympathy written on all of their faces. Of course they knew that's why they left earlier. Stupid vampires.

"The only way I could guarantee your safety, was to forfeit mine. They're going to kill me in two days. Sort of an for an eye thing." He replied, quieter still. "He raped me!" I screamed, much louder than I anticipated. This was not happening! They couldn't do this to us! He deserved to die! "Edward Cullen, you bring your butt home! You should not have done that! You swore to me!" I scolded, pointing at air. Oh, how I wished I was pointing at him.

"Bella, I can't come home. I have to go. Stay safe, love. I love you." And just like that, he was gone. Again. I, being a newborn still, let my temper get the best of me, and I threw Alice's phone. That's right. I threw it, as hard as I could, into the woods. I saw a blur whiz past, and come back a few seconds later.

"Isabella! You were **this** close to breaking my phone! Had it broke, I would have seriously been angry newborn or not! I just got it three days ago!" She shouted, pointing at me. I snorted. Hey, now that I'm a vampire myself…well, she isn't that scary anymore.

"Alice, I don't care about your stupid new phone! I care about the fact that Edward is trying to sacrifice himself for me! I have to go!" I shouted. She actually looked upset that I'd called her phone stupid. I swear that little pixie needed to get her priorities in order sometimes. Freaking shopaholic! It wasn't like she wouldn't go out and buy a new one tomorrow even if I had broke that one. Sheesh!

I ran as fast as I could up to our room, packed a mini suitcase, and ran back down. I stopped when I saw the rest of the family standing there, packed and ready to go as well. I was confused. This wasn't their fight, it was mine. I should be doing this alone; after all it was because of me that Edward was to be killed. I couldn't let them go along and be endangered also. That was just ludicrous.

"What are you doing?" I asked nonchalantly. "We're going too, Bella. We're family, we're in this together. Like it or not." Rosalie snapped, crossing her arms. I held my hands up in surrender. Hey, Rosalie is just plain scary. Vampire or not. Within moments, we were on the road, yet again, heading back to Forks. I knew this was a bad idea, but I didn't have a better one at the moment. I just knew, I had to save the love of my existence.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N:I own nothing. **

**Twenty Two**

Upon arriving, everyone else wanted to go back to our old home. I, on the other hand, wanted to go straight to La Push. So, we compromised. We went back to the house, while everyone went inside to "plan", I left, and went to La Push. They just didn't know it, until I was already gone. Smart Bella…for once. I got there, and didn't bother hiding it. I was on a mission, and no one would stop me.

"Bella! You shouldn't be here!" Sam yelled, running at me. I snarled at him, and he actually stopped. "Where is he?" I demanded, preparing to lunge. "Whoa, easy Bella. I'll take you to him alright? We don't have an issue with you." He stated, turning around. I followed him; close enough that I could use him as a hostage should they try anything stupid. I wasn't getting jumped trying to rescue Edward, not yet at least. After he was safe, that was a different story. I didn't care after that.

He took me to Jacob's house, of all places. Straight past Billy, and Leah, right to Jacob's room. I hesitated at the door. Sam looked curiously at me, and then swung the door open. I gasped when I saw the condition Edward was in. His eyes, pitch black, his face and chest were covered in scratches and bite marks. He looked…pasty, terrible. I roared that's the only way to say it. I was furious, and ready to kill.

"You **will** let us walk out of here, NOW, or I will kill you!" I screamed, slamming my fist into the wall. I could not believe they would do this! To my Edward! For something I did! Oh! The nerve of these…these…**mongrels**!

"Bella, I can't just let him go. I mean, what if you run?" Sam protested, backing up just a little. I respected him a little bit more for that move. At least he knew I was serious. That was a bonus to me. "Let us go, or die. It's that simple Sam." I snapped back. He thought for a few minutes, and then nodded his head curtly once. I grabbed Edward's arm, and helped him out. "If anyone follows us, or tries to harm me, or my family you will all be dead. We'll discuss the consequences of what I did, at a later date. You have my word that we will not leave." I stated, still walking. I didn't wait for a response.

Once in the car, I let loose all my anger. I temporarily forgot the condition Edward was in, and yelled at him. "How dare you! How dare you Edward! This was my mess! I did it! You swore to me that you would not come here! I can't believe you would sacrifice yourself for me when you don't even want me!" I yelled, going much too fast.

"Bella let me ex-"

"I'm not done!" I snapped, cutting him off immediately. "I cannot believe you would do something so foolish! So…so stupid Edward!" I continued, until I saw him laughing. I slammed on the brakes, causing him to fall forward for a split second before he caught himself. We were now stopped in the middle of the road, but I didn't care.

"You're laughing? Seriously? You think there's something funny about this?" I asked menacingly. He nodded, and then explained, "It's just, I'm usually the one yelling at you for doing stupid things. It's kind of…nice having the roles reversed. It really shows me that you love me, as much as I love you. I'm sorry love, its just…my duty to protect you the best I can." I started to speak, but he silenced me with a kiss.

"I want you." He whispered, kissing me again. "I really do, more than you know, but right now, I need to hunt." He whispered again. Oh!

"Right. We're not with this conversation though." I said firmly. He chuckled, but agreed. "Okay, let's go home. Then we'll hunt, because the others will want to see you." I continued, driving as quickly as I dared. This was now much faster than I ever would have as a human. I wasn't scared now that I couldn't die.

When we arrived home, I got out first, naturally. He was weak, I wasn't sure what the marks or scratches had done to him, but it didn't look good. I heard Alice approach me, and I knew she was angry. I had after all, tricked her.

"Bella! Why would do that? Do you know what they could have-Edward!" She screamed, jumping up and down. "How did you get way?" She asked, grabbing his other arm, helping us to the house. "I told them to let us leave, and they did." I replied simply. We made it to the living room, and sat him down. "Look, I need help getting him to the woods. He needs to hunt and fast. I don't know what these cuts are doing, but he's growing weaker by minute." I explained quickly.

"They'll kill him if he doesn't get some blood soon." Alice replied sitting next to him. "But, he needs to rest for a few minutes." I sighed heavily. She did have a point, but she could have waited to tell me he could die before she said the last part.

"Why did you come here? I told you it was fixed." Edward attempted to growl, but it came out very weak. That worried more than anything I think. If he was too weak to even sound menacing, something was seriously wrong with him. I jumped up, and grabbed his arm. "No questions, no arguments. Let's go hunt, now." I stated, directing the argument comment to Alice. Screw resting, he could do that once I knew he wouldn't die.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N:I own nothing. **

**Twenty Three**

I had never seen Edward hunt before; I'd always imagined it though. And I always thought my imagination was quite vivid, creative even, until I saw him actually hunt. No words were good enough to describe what it was like watching him hunt. Beautiful wasn't even close to comparison, but it was all I could think of. Imagine the most beautiful place you've ever seen, multiply that by about five, and that's just the beginning of it. He had such grace, poise, and precision. I felt…honored to be apart of such an experience.

Within a manner of minutes, he was running back to the house. I sighed, and followed suit. I knew now that he was feeling better; he would want a more appropriate talk, and lots of answers. I was determined to stand my ground on this though. I would not give up. He was sorely mistaken if he thought I'd let him disappear from my life twice, and not do a damn thing about it. Especially now that I was a vampire. I was…dangerous. Right.

I went straight up to our room, knowing that's where he'd be waiting. He was staring out the window, one arm resting on the frame, his head resting on that arm. I was temporarily frozen, remembering the first time I had seen this angelic image. It was the day after I'd been drunk. When we had gone a little too far, he looked so…remorseful, confused, and angry. That was the day I knew he would never love me the way I loved him. I shook the image from my mind, and the hurt that came along with it, sighed heavily, and walked up behind him.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, and smiled slightly when his free arm rested lightly against both of mine. That told me he wasn't too angry, and that I had a chance to make him see reasoning, though very small. I felt, rather than heard him sigh, and released him so we could get this over with. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, and I also knew we were going to fight, but I was not prepared for what was to come…again.

"Okay, look. You don't get to argue with me this time Edward, you just get to listen. I told you in the car, you had no right to do that! I did this! I killed him, he deserved it! Yes, I admit that, no it doesn't make me feel much better, but it's the truth. This is my fight, not yours! I'm sick of you trying to blame yourself for everything I do wrong! You can't do that anymore, I can stop you now, and I will." I stated, more dramatically than I intended. He just stood there, waiting for me to continue. I was glad he hadn't interrupted yet, but I knew it was coming.

"You will not go back to La Push, without me and the family, again. You swore to me!" I yelled, crossing my arms.

"I swore I would not go after Jacob. I didn't break that, besides, you got to him before I could. I never said I wouldn't go to La Push." He argued. I glared at him, and shook my head. "They go hand in hand, and you knew that! So don't try to get out of this." I snapped, pointing my finger at him.

"Bella, you're a newborn. You're temper is a lot worse than it normally would be; you haven't the experience to deal with this kind of thing. I don't want you involved, at all." He said quietly. This was not good; I was losing my chance, and fast. Damn it!

"I liked it better when you didn't tell me you loved me!" I blurted out, which I knew was my temper, and thankfully so did he. "At least then you stayed out of my messes, for the most part. Edward, I lost you once, I'm not losing you again! I will deal with this, and if you even try to do something to stop me, I'll knock you out of the way just as easily. Ask Alice, she thought she had me figured out too. If I can trick the psychic pixie, I can definitely trick you." I warned threateningly. I knew by the narrowing of his eyes and the slight snarl across his features that he was angry. But, I just couldn't bring myself to care. Again, that would be my temper.

"You listen to **me** Isabella Swan, if you even think of tricking any of us so you can go to La Push alone, I will find out. And when I find out, you will be sorry." He growled quietly. I wasn't scared, I was angry. He had it right, I was a newborn, and my temper would out win anything else right, except maybe my thirst, which was growing by the second. I hadn't exactly fed much, and I knew he was no where near well fed. His eyes had never gone back to normal that was dangerous for both of us. I was vaguely aware of Alice yelling at us before we lunged at each other. We'd barely gotten a scratch on each other when Emmett and Jasper had tackled me to the floor.

"Bella! Calm down, Bella! It's us!" I heard Emmett, but I couldn't make sense of what he meant. All I knew, all I felt was anger, and I was thirsty so thirsty. If I could just get free, I could do as I pleased, as I desperately wanted to do. La Push wasn't that far, especially when I was this thirsty. I struggled harder, fighting for my freedom, my life it felt like.

EPOV-

"I can't calm her down! She's going to get free if we don't hurry up!" Jasper shouted. Rosalie had gone to get some blood for Bella, Alice and I were blocking the door. We knew if Emmett and Jasper couldn't hold her, it was useless for us to try, but we had to do something. We could not let her leave this room. It was vital to her sanity, and ours. I couldn't believe I was about to _fight_ my love. I was underfed, and I knew better than this! I had seen the vision Alice had, but I thought I could handle it. Evidently, I couldn't.

_Told you so. Stubborn foolish Vampire. _

I let a low growl escape my lips at Alice's thoughts. She was so smug about things like this. Guess I couldn't really blame her when it came down to it though, I mean…I did prove her right…again. I watched in agony as Bella tried to escape the confines of my brothers' arms. I should have known better than this! She was a newborn for Pete's sake! Oh! There was a low knock on the door, and we quickly moved aside for Rosalie to come through. She ran over to Bella, who quickly downed the large glass. She stopped struggling after a few seconds, and looked so confused…and embarrassed. I would have to fix that as soon as possible.

"Guys, I think she's alright. Can you give us a minute? Just wait outside alright? If I need you, I'll holler." I pleaded, hoping they'd leave us. She didn't need them berating her right now. She needed comfort, and I wasn't about to let any of them give her that. Not to mention I needed to apologize to her for what I'd done. No one else could do that for me, unfortunately. After a few slight arguing glances, my siblings graciously stepped out of the room, and they were even so kind as to close the door behind them. Though I knew they were right outside, listening for any signs of distress. No privacy in a house full of vampires, that was for damned sure.

BPOV-

I waited until he came to me, waited until he was up close, and then I pretended to fall backwards, knowing he would catch me. As soon as his arms enclosed around me, I screamed. I knew they would come, and drag him off just as they did, fully believing he had tried to attack me again, and then I bolted. Ran faster than I've ever run before, out the door, down the stairs, out the front door, into the woods. Ran, faster and faster until I was a few miles short of La Push.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:I own nothing. **

**Twenty Four**

BPOV-

I didn't want to kill them, yet. I wanted to talk to them, make them understand what had happened, and then if they wouldn't see my reasoning, I'd kill them. I just didn't want the family here, to witness what was to happen. Just in case I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame. The only one the Volterra could take, the only one they could kill.

I was thirsty, but I refused to feed. I would need that to fuel my anger, and I wasn't about to spoil it. I was counting on that. I started jogging, slowly, not wanting to scare the little pups. I made it Sam's house first, and when he wasn't there, I knew where they'd all be. Within seconds, I was in Jacob's living room. They all looked confused for about a millisecond before they took their defending stances. I gave them credit though, none of them shifted, yet. They thought I wasn't a danger. Ha, let's hope they're right.

"Bella? Did you need something?" Leah asked, she was being nice. "We need to talk." I replied, trying my hardest to feign niceties. They all relaxed so I must have been doing something right, when they sat down, I knew I had them. I stayed where I was, by the door, not worried per say, I just wanted to hear if someone approached.

"Do you know what Jacob did to me?" I whispered, now unsure I was ready for this. Ready for the world to know. "We know what your leech claimed he did to you." Quil snarled. It took every ounce of strength I could muster not to kill him right then, but I managed. Barely.

"**Edward** wasn't lying to you. He raped me, right there, in that room." I stated, pointing towards the scene of the crime. "Sam, I know you know it's true. It's written all over your face. The guilt of knowing, the shame for not standing up for Edward as all your little pups wounded him for something he didn't do.

I also know that you know I killed Jacob. That's the other reason you're feeling guilty, and Leah, that's why you're being nice. You pity me. I spent a spell out here with you all remember? I know you, and you know me. So, if you're going to kill someone for murdering your innocent little dog it should be me." I spat, snarling a bit at the end.

I saw how Embry and Quil were physically trying not to shake, or attack for that matter. Saw the realization dawn on Billy's face, the pain and guilt on Sam's, and the pity from Leah especially. We all stood there staring each other down, I was fully aware if they decided to attack I would lose, but I didn't care. I was outnumbered, I did that on purpose. But I would kill my fair share before I went down. I could talk a lot of talk, and really mean it for a short time, that's the blessing of being a new born, but there comes a point when you know you can't do a damn thing about the situation you're in.

I was in that situation, and I knew it. I deserved to die, I knew that as well. I just hoped my family would understand once I was gone. After another few tense minutes, Billy cleared his throat. Everyone turned as a group to look at him; I just looked at the floor. I couldn't look into his eyes. I had taken his only child, the only thing he had left in this world, I knew my fate at that point, and I was okay with it.

"Let her go. The treaty stays in tact, and they can stay or go." He stated firmly. I looked up, shock and confusion written on my face I was sure. He smiled, the slightest ghost of a smile, and nodded. "You killed my boy, but what he did to you was worse. I'm not saying he deserved to die, but he deserved something. The way I see it, you're suffering more alive than you are dead…so to speak." He explained before turning to leave. I let out the breath I hadn't known I was holding, and walked out the door. The entire way home, I fully expected to be attacked from behind. Especially considering no one argued, no one tried to defend Jake any more than that, and no one even looked angry. At home however, I had a family full of angry vampires that I did not want to deal with. I reached the door, and hesitated only a second. With a sigh, I walked in without turning back. Here goes nothing.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N:I own nothing.****Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. It was fun. =) I am not writing a sequel to this story, it sort of faded at the end anyways and I'm fresh out of ideas for it. I like it as is, and that's that. Now, please review this chapter and tell me if you like it. (= And also check out my new story-Somewhere I belong.**

**Twenty Five**

We were all here, sitting in the living room, no one saying a word. We were avoiding each others' gazes, each of us fidgeting in our own little ways. Edward was the only one standing, in the door frame of the kitchen, as he always did when he was angry. I would glance at him every once in a while, but he never so much as blinked in my direction. He was really angry, I mean really angry. I guess I couldn't blame him, I tricked him, tricked them all again. I couldn't blame them for not knowing what to say, or where to start. But at the same time, I had no remorse. I wasn't sorry, I would never be sorry. My mess, my responsibility.

Every so often, Edward would open his mouth, but then shut it quickly after. I had rendered him, no, them all completely speechless. As far as I knew, that was a first, especially for Alice. Speaking of the little pixie, she looked far angrier than Edward, and that could potentially be better. See, if she was angrier, and she started yelling at me, maybe Edward wouldn't be so angry. Yeah, I didn't think so, but it was worth a shot right? I heard Rosalie sigh heavily, and that was it. That was all it took for Edward to let it loose. Crap.

"That was the stupidest stunt you have ever pulled Bella! You had my family thinking I was trying to attack you! All so you could take off without us! To go to La Push at that! I can't believe you would do that! What if they had killed you? Then what? Do you have any idea what that would have done to us? To **ME**?!" He yelled, glaring daggers at me. I swallowed hard, and was prepared to respond when Alice jumped in.

"I can't believe you! It was bad enough the first time you tricked me! But to do it again, and involve my brother! I was ready to kill him! We all were! We thought he had lost it! We thought those stupid dogs had ruined him, and that we would have to kill him! How could pull something so stupid and irresponsible!" She snapped, coming closer with each word she hissed out. Again, I opened my mouth to respond, and was interrupted, again.

"You stay of this Mary Alice, this does not concern you!" Edward snapped, pointing a finger at her. She gasped loudly, and turned to him. "How does this not involve me? As I said, I almost killed you! Because of the ridiculous stunt she pulled! By tricking me! That most certainly involves me!" She snapped back. Great, I got them fighting. That wasn't part of the plan. Crap.

"Guys." I stated. Apparently not loud enough considering they were still bickering. "Guys." I stated again, a little louder. And still they continued. Gee, does this sound familiar to anyone? Too bad we're not outside in the cold, and I'm not in my bra.

"**ENOUGH!!"** I screamed, standing up. Ha, that got everyone's attention. Good. "Can I speak now?" I asked sarcastically. Nobody said anything, just looked at me expectantly. Good, they're learning. Pft.

"We discussed this earlier, Edward. I told you this was my mess, and I took care of it. If you all are just going to yell at me, then I'm leaving. I'm not going to let you make me feel bad, or start to regret what I did. The reason I tricked you all was because I knew you'd follow me, and I knew that would result in a fight. I didn't want a fight, and I didn't want you all involved. If anyone was going to get killed, it was going to be me. I committed the crime; I deserved whatever fate they gave.

Now, they've decided to forgive me, for whatever stupid reason, and let us be. We can stay here, or we can leave. It's our choice, the treaty is still there. So, are we done now or what?" I explained quickly, wanting to get upstairs and really talk to Edward. He must have sensed my yearning, because he agreed a little too quickly, and told everyone else to do the same. After a little more grumbling, a little more talking, and a little more apologizing on my part to for wounding Alice's pride, he was leading upstairs.

Once there, he shut the door and pushed me against it. He kissed me hard, and urgently. Like he'd been waiting a long time for this. "Don't ever do anything that stupid again." He mumbled kissing me again. I snorted, I couldn't help it. "Only if you agree to do the same." I stated between kisses. He smiled against my lips, and looked into my eyes.

"You are entirely too perceptive sometimes you know that." He stated rather than asked. "I love you." I replied, wrapping my arms around him. "I love you too." And with those words, he led me to the bed, where we were finally able to express just how much we loved each other. It was within the throes of passion that I realized, my happily ever after was just the beginning.


End file.
